Even after all the excuses I gave you, reasons why I wanted to leave, I don’t think a single one was genuine. I think I just wanted to be alone, have the freedom to do anything my heart would desire, but I was wrong. I’m not even sure how to feel anymore.
My heart eats at my brain and my thoughts are driving me insane. I just want to see you, hug you, but I can’t. I don’t know if I love you the same as I did in the beginning but I know this hurts. You were my best friend, my whole life. You did some things wrong but you also did so many things right. You always made sure I never went hungry, if I needed something you would find a way to get it. You let me cry in front of you about some of the silliest things. You held me all night long when i wasn’t feeling good or i was just overwhelmed. You told me no one would ever be able to replace you and now I finally see it.
I finally see what I couldn’t before. Such a good natured man, who yes, made some mistakes, but at the end of the day I was your everything. There’s so many things I want to thank you for but as the tears run down my face I can only think of one thing, and that would be you holding me. Holding me as my tears soak your shirt.
Some days the comfort wasn’t as much as the day before but you always found a way to turn it around. I must say though, this is one of those situations what would be appropriate to say “its not you, its me” because it really is me. I’m not sure who I am anymore, who I want to be, where I want to go. I am completely lost without my best friend. I just want to know what happiness is again.