Thought Catalog
May 3, 2014

19 People You Meet In Law School

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Hey there, baby attorneys. These are your friends/competitors:

1. The Gunner

The Gunner represents one of the most pervasive stereotypes about law students, but man, if it isn’t true. She comes to every class fully prepared. She actually volunteers answers instead of waiting to be cold called by the professor. Not only is she a gunner in the colloquial sense, she also actually has huge guns from shooting her arm into the air often and forcefully.

When it comes down to it, the Gunner just wants approval. She wants it from you, the other students, teachers, and employers. While your inclination might be to roll your eyes when she corrects the professor, just go up to her after class and tell her she did a good job. It will mean the world.

2. The Smooth Talker

The moot court and mock trial teams are where the Smooth Talker excels. You could tell him that greenhouse gases are destroying the earth, and in five minutes he’ll have you believing that it’s what the founding fathers would have wanted.

The Smooth Talker is America’s Next John Edwards. He will be wildly successful at whatever he does after graduation because he possesses the greatest gift a lawyer can have: persuasion.

3. The Overinvolved One

The Overinvolved One whole-asses 100% of what he does. He has voluntarily participated in every student group since middle school class council. His enthusiasm is annoying when he’s trying to get you to sign up for Barbri, but very appreciated when you need his help to promote your organization.

You will receive multiple school-wide emails from him each week, with the following subject lines: Barristers’ Ball is only 27 days away! Bar Review Downtown tonight! Don’t forget to buy tickets to the public service auction!!!!!!!!!

4. The Hungover One

He makes sure to attend every Thursday night Bar Review, without fail. However, he will miss half of his classes. He may send emails asking for notes because he was “sick the past two weeks,” but you all know that’s not the case. You’ll be inclined to send your notes anyway, because at least that guy knows how to have a good time.

You might be surprised at the end of 3L year when you see him cross the graduation stage along everyone else, despite his atrocious attendance record. He may be stumbling, but he’ll still cross it.

5. The Litigious One

This person came to law school because people have been telling him his whole life that he should be a lawyer. While it was really a hint that his argumentativeness was annoying, he took it as a compliment.

The Litigious One is a shoe-in to be a plaintiff attorney. From the second week of 1L year he’s been pointing out every puddle to warn that it could cause a slip-and-fall. He’ll say he wants to work for “the little guy.” In ten years you might see him in a commercial, gavel in hand, telling you to call 888-123-4567 if you think your dog might have mesothelioma.

6. The Nervous One

No matter how well the Nervous One actually understands the law, he does not believe in himself. Having to sit through his recitation is one of the most painful classroom experiences. He may interrupt the professor accidentally or apologize profusely for his opinions, or both.

The Nervous One will hopefully get better as time goes on. Best-case scenario, he realizes that he is smart and law school isn’t impossible.

7. The Public Interest One

She is the Queen of Clinics. She wants to do anything and everything that can make the world a better place. Her personality is either sweet and quiet or it’s loud and proud, in which case you can find her aggressively requesting classmates to sign up for her fundraiser.

By the end of law school the Public Interest One will have done an insane number of pro bono hours, and she really will have made the world a better place. Unfortunately, she won’t have a job after graduation because no one wants to pay her for that.

8. The Frat Boy

You can’t take the Greek out of the Frat Boy, can you? He most likely went straight to law school after undergrad, no stops for traveling the world or working in a cubicle 9:00-5:00. Unless you’re a hot girl, he has little interest in socializing with you. Instead, you can probably find him hanging out with his old pledge brothers.

The Frat Boy’s #1 goal is to land a job in a big firm, which is often just like a fraternity. He is smart and works hard, but the real reason he’ll get the job is connections. Hey, good for him for taking advantage of them.

9. The Pretty One

Being pretty in law school is a funny thing. See, a real world 6 is a law school 10. This may be the first time that the Pretty One is for sure the most beautiful in the room. She is going to take this title and run with it.

The Pretty One is going to use her looks to her advantage, and it’s not a bad idea. She will smile through case recitations and flip her hair in on-campus interviews. It will work.

10. The Natural Defender

This bleeding heart is one of the more understanding and sympathetic people at law school if you need a shoulder to cry on. She does not settle for surface explanations of why people do bad things; she wants to know backstories.

However, in return for her support, you will have to listen to monologues about problems with the justice system, mass incarceration, and the death penalty. If tears make you uncomfortable, be warned that she may cry when she talks about her clinic clients’ tough lives.

11. The Natural Prosecutor

She is either a Texan or wishes she were. The Natural Prosecutor is not a cuddly source of support. She is a realist. If you were to drink every time she said, “You do the crime, you do the time,” you’d be smashed by the end of 3L year.

Her intentions come from a good place though. She has seen every episode of Law & Order multiple times. She worries about victims and plans to be their advocate. She’ll do it like a shark.

12. The Skeptic

The Skeptic is only in law school because she did well on the LSAT. Her lack of passion for the law is apparent. She cannot understand how people can be excited about legal reasoning and analysis. To her, it’s just code for BS. She may roll her eyes when classmates quote former Supreme Court Justices as if they spoke God’s word.

Despite this, the Skeptic may do surprisingly well in law school. She does not get caught up in the stress and competition. Therefore, she will likely find a firm job after graduation, pay off her loans in two years, and then quit.

13. The Apathetic One

Like the Skeptic, the Apathetic One does not have a passion for law. The difference is that he also doesn’t have a passion for anything. You will thank you lucky stars if the Apathetic One is in your class because he will almost certainly be the person who gets the lowest grade on the curve.

He will rarely be at the law school, and will definitely never have Friday classes. You’ll have better luck finding him on a hike or at the movie theater.

14. The Law Review Enthusiast

You might be friends with him 1L year, but once he makes law review 2L year, good luck getting so much as a hello in the hall. That is, unless you are on law review too. Then you will spend all your time together.

One of the Law Review Enthusiast’s favorite hobbies is to talk about his busy schedule and how many hours he spends doing cite checks for articles. Still, he is probably going to be your boss someday. The Law Review Enthusiast gets off on success.

15. The Research Assistant

She has mastered the art of getting along well with professors. She is charming. To get this job she either had to approach one of them (she’s not intimidated by authority) or they approached her (she’s noticeably bright). It’s an impressive position. Plus, it’s also technically a part time job, so she has a little extra cash.

The Research Assistant is going to thrive in the law world. She excels at legal research and writing, and she knows how to get paid well.

16. The Secretly Smart One

She is the ultimate cool student. She does close to zero studying. She doesn’t volunteer to talk in class. Yet, when she gets called on, her legal analyses are on point.

You might not think much of being in a study group with her initially, so the first time she explains a doctrine to you better than the professor did, it will blow your mind. Every law student is jealous of her natural abilities.

17. The Parent

Preparing for class daily, hunting for a law job, and going into turbo mode for finals while also making sure that your children stay alive must be extremely stressful. The Parent doesn’t have time for the high school drama that is law school. He is on campus only as long as it takes to get everything done and then he is home by dinner.

The Parent doesn’t socialize with everyone else often, but he may bring his children to a law school barbecue once a year for kicks. All told, the Parent is amazing and perhaps even a multitasking wizard.

18. The Misplaced Scientist

Patent attorneys are in high demand, so kudos to the Misplaced Scientist for coming to law school after working her butt off for her engineering or physics degree. While she may not be a natural wordsmith or arguer, she’s got a ton going for her law career.

In class, the professor will ask the Misplaced Scientist to describe anything even semi-technical. The Misplaced Scientist will give a disclaimer that she’s really no expert in the field, and then proceed to perfectly explain whatever the scientific term means.

19. The Ghost

The Ghost mysteriously drops out of school the first semester without telling anyone. You will feel sad when your professor asks about his absences and not one person has any clue as to his whereabouts. No one has this person’s phone number or can find him on Facebook.

The Ghost drops out of law school because he wisely comes to his senses or because of unfortunate personal issues. Every few months you and your classmates will talk about how it’s “so weird” that no one knows what happened to him. TC mark

featured image – Legally Blonde

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