An elderly woman calls 911 to report a creeper who knocked on her door, and proceeded to skulk around her home. Unfortunately, 911 doesn’t get there in time.
This one girl got my number and texted me everyday for a couple of weeks, saying “Hey” or “Hiiii” or some variation of it.
You can’t cure stupid.
“Would you rather have to watch your parents have sex every night for the rest of your life, or join in once?”
She gets really upset when I ask her to mop the floors that have her new puppy’s shit smeared all over. And I mean ALL OVER. Posts Facebook statuses like “I should really stop being so nice” when I address these problems politely.
A prophet wrote down the phrase, “Santa was coming.”
As the skies were becoming red and cracks in the earth widened, I realized he was dyslexic.
“Getting accused of manspreading when I’m just trying to not squish em.”
“I found the dick pics my (now) son-in-law sent my daughter. She had backed up her computer to an external hard drive and didn’t realize they went, too.”
Father Anthony Brinkman posted this ad on Craigslist. He was looking for someone to have sex with his 11-year-old daughter while he watched. He claims to have wanted this “for a long time.”
Nobody can seem to agree on what this is.