A Letter To The Love That Was Never Meant To Be

I have fallen in love with you.

Yes, it has happened. Some may say that it’s infatuation. Some may say that it’s lust. But I have unfortunately fallen in love with you.

Somehow, I already know when and how I have succumbed to this emotion. The only question in my head was “why?”. I choose to believe that it was because I was new at work which is why you needed to know me, or because I was at the front desk which is why I needed to know everyone, including you. I mean, a few harmless messages couldn’t be bad, right? Well, yeah, until it became frequent. Until those messages were friendly lunches turned into lunch dates we both looked forward to within the days at work. You were so smart, and I felt like this naïve, stupid girl ogling my eyes at the way you tell stories and your opinion on things that mattered. You opened up to me, and I was on the other end, eating up every damn word you say.

I grasped the idea of liking you bluntly, like I wasn’t in a relationship and I honestly do not know anything about your relationship history. I looked you up on social networking sites. I wanted to ask co-workers about you. I wanted to know if it was safe to continue liking you, but obsessing over you and your relationship status made me like you more. I began fishing questions during one of our chat conversations and then, you admitted it. You are married, with one child. It wasn’t a happy one, though. You told me everything. I was dumbfounded, and disappointed. I asked my friends for advice and all of them thought you were bad news. We tried ending this consistent talking, but we always end up talking again, more honest than before. We kissed once or twice, held hands like there was nothing wrong. I was your escape. And I loved you then.

I am wrong. You are wrong. We are wrong. But why does it feel so right?

I would never have chosen this path if it weren’t you, but there are things we couldn’t change. I always thought I could make a difference in your life, but I never expected it to be something that would make it hard for both of us. I am fully aware that you have feelings, too, and you don’t need to say it for me to know. And I love you for it. I read once, and I quote, “the people who come at the wrong time are just the wrong people.”, and I’m fully hoping this is right, because I need something, anything to remind me that my morals did not fully evaporate at the sight of you, the sound of your voice, the feel of your skin and your tempting scent. It was never meant to be. And it will never be. But every night I wish it was.