21 Signs You May Be Addicted To Twitter

I admit it.  I’m addicted to Twitter.  It’s my alcohol, my heroin, my “Game of Thrones.”  You may not be aware of it, but you might be a “Twaddict” (Twitter addict) too.  Do you have any of these common symptoms?

1. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much time and energy you put in, you cannot put together a sentence that is longer than 140 charac

2. You would f%€k a “favorite”… 

3. … And marry a “retweet.” 

4. You wonder why news can’t be reported BEFORE it happens. 

5. When asked, “What’s the last book you’ve read?”  You reply, “Twitter.”

6.You have “live-tweeted” a bowel movement, and you look forward to doing it again.

7. You wish you were Rob Delaney’s Speedo.

8. The only facts you trust are UberFacts.

9. Your life’s goal is to someday be “verified.”

10. You can’t fall asleep until after @midnight.

11.  You swear that you will “follow back.”

12. You sometimes suffer from “Bieber fever,” which is like cancer mixed with AIDS mixed with terrible music.

13. It’s a hashtag, not a pound sign.

14. From time to time, you masturbate to @SciencePorn.

15. You wonder why you’re not “Twitter famous” yet.

16. You call your real-life friends “followers.”

17. You no longer see your real-life friends.

18. You quit your job to tweet full-time.

19. You find an “online minister,” who will allow you to marry Twitter.

20. You die without having ever lived.

21. You are cremated, and your remains are tweeted into the Twitterverse.