I honestly feel like I’m always waiting for my life to happen. I’m always in the process of delaying things, plans and dreams just because I feel like it’s not yet time. ‘Cause there will be more, soon. That I will arrive at life one day, where everything will be okay, everything will be put together, every single piece of my life in the exact place it is meant to be. And that by far is the biggest lie I ever made myself believe.
I don’t have much time. The only thing I am and we all are very much sure of is the fact that we are here – alive, breathing, capable thinkers. Second is the fact that we will die one day. Everything else in between, we are not sure. The time, the day, our age, or if we are able to fulfill our dreams, if we are able to push through our plans before we even exit this world, we don’t know that. What we do know is that we have control, we have a choice over everything else in between. We can choose to either allow life to pass us by as if we’re audiences of our own life, as if were just given free passes to watch it all as it goes down OR alter it, rewrite it, start over if necessary. Because the truth is we are the writers, the directors, the crew – we are all in it, in total control of our lives.
Thus, I choose to rewrite my life.
I will no longer waver, like I’m watching the stars, like something big and miraculous will happen in my life. Like I’ll be going to a certain place of comfort and victory before I even realize that this is my life, the life I should live, the life I should pursue with quality. Because another crude truth is that, whatever I have now, whoever I’m with now, wherever I am now may be the highlight of my life. This may be as good as it gets, and if I fail to appreciate it and look at it with gentleness, I will fail to be joyful. I will fail to live a meaningful, happy life.
And let me tell you, it sucks to always want things. To always desire for more, to always think that we’re lacking in life – it just weighs us down and will never push us or set us to a higher ground. It will just allow us to stay exactly where we are, drowning in inconsequential aspirations, dragging us even lower and lower, down on our knees. What we have now is all we have. Our time, it might be short. Our resources, it might be inadequate, but this maybe everything – and this is life.
Furthermore, whether we like it or not, this is our life. It’s really up to us, if we will pursue our dreams now; if we will make our passion our way of life; if we will spend our money for and with the people we love; if we will cherish our time as our kids grow up; if we will live a life that is worth every second of it. A life that is bred out of love, meaning and quality, a life that is overwhelming with grace and kindness. Or we’ll just wait for a certain time and a specific place; wait maybe for a retirement fund until we start spending some significant time with our family; or maybe stand by for a promotion before we start taking care of ourselves, before figuring out that we also deserve some pampering even once in a while, even a little; or maybe a certain age for us to know that it is time to get serious or to fulfill our heart’s desire, whether it is getting married, building a life or utterly quitting a job that no longer contributes to our being.
Whatever it is, the question is, will we always stick around, feeling stuck, anticipating life? When in reality, life is here. It’s not something we’ll arrive on. It’s something we have to work on, every single day, because it’s happening – right before our very eyes.