October 14, 2016

And After All That He Did, You Still Can’t Hate Him

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Luke Pamer
Luke Pamer

One of the worst feelings in the world is when someone makes you feel disposable; when you’re not worth anything despite all the things you did and shared with that person because you saw how easily they’ve thrown everything away.

Sure, they may have bigger reasons for leaving you, but that doesn’t make it any less painful especially when you try to look back on your memories and saw nothing wrong. In fact, the two of you were even having so much fun and whatever was going on between the two of you was slowly but surely developing into something more.

Then one day, you just woke up and everything has abruptly changed.

No signs, no previous discussions of any problems.

Just like that.

He just doesn’t like you anymore, and he wants you out of his life.

There is something more painful than that, though. It’s when you learn that his reasons are completely selfish and almost preposterous.

It’s when his reasons completely degrade you, and you were left feeling judged, making you feel awful about yourself.

Never mind that you were kind to him, never mind that you did everything to put a smile on his face, never mind the laughter, the fun, and all the special things that you shared; just because of one silly, unfair, and absurd reason, every good thing about the two of you was left unconsidered.

That’s how easy it was for him to forget all those; as if none of those truly mattered.


So, you are left to hurt and question yourself over and over while he goes on his merry way and act as if nothing happened; as if he didn’t destroy a person.

Just like that.

You wonder how he could quickly shrug off those moments that you shared. Didn’t it really matter to him?

Didn’t you really matter to him?

Sometimes you can’t help but be awed by these kind of people. It’s as if hurting others is their second nature — they just don’t care at all.

Just when you thought you have finally found the person who can make you feel happy and alive again, everything goes wrong. Suddenly, he wasn’t the person you thought he was. He suddenly became someone who possessed the power to make your heart ache so bad that you find yourself tearing up whenever you read your past conversations and whenever you reminisce on the times you’ve spent together.

Suddenly all the songs that you hear and all the poems that you read remind him of you. You find yourself in a place where the two of you have gone to. You wake up hurting because you know he’s not going to text or call you again. You feel empty because it’s as if he took away everything from you when he left. It’s like you’re waiting for something that is never going to happen again and you are trying your best to be honestly okay with the fact that he’s never coming back.

And you feel frustrated because despite all these, you can’t find it in your heart to hate him and it’s so stupid because you have every reason to do so, but somehow, YOU JUST COULDN’T HATE HIM.

Because to you, he is indispensable. TC mark

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