January 19, 2013

Men Are Lonely And Single Too

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Remember Sex and the City? Of course you do; you have all the box sets! 30-40-something females trying to find the perfect man in NYC is the plot. This trend has continued. Just look at basically any comedy. For example, Penny, from one of my favorite shows, Happy Endings, is desperately trying to find a man to love and marry in Chicago. Or look at Girls; it’s the exact same premise just at a rawer, younger age. Now don’t get this twisted, don’t start throwing the term “sexist” at me, because if you do, you are completely missing the point of this article.

It’s built into our conscience to feel sorry for or wonder why a 30+ woman is still single. Everybody wants to set them up on blind dates, or throws the word “settle” around. However, I think more and more women are choosing to be single and independent as a choice. They are fierce, business-savvy and super smart. Now whether they use those skills in their career or just to find younger men to play with or both, it really doesn’t matter. I know people on both ends. They aren’t cougars, they’re bachelorettes. (That doesn’t sound right: “Nice bachelorette pad, Carrie.”)

Recently a buddy of mine and I were talking, both in our young 30’s, and we realized men get a bad rap. We get nutshelled, stereotyped, flagged. No one ever talks about the 40-year-old guy who is fashionable, has a good job and is just a great guy, but who is also lonely, and wants love just as bad as Shoshanna. Because if he is out having drinks, or at the gym, or a grocery store, most women instantly label them as: player, bachelor, not ready to settle down, gay, married, etc.

That’s quite unfair. Just because there are no shows with a plot about guys getting together over drinks and talking about loneliness and how they wish they could find the perfect woman, or just because yes, most guys act like a douchebag for some period of their life, and the fact that most guys don’t show their emotions, it’s just easy for women to come to that conclusion.

I’m 31, have had three long-term relationships, and recently realized I’m totally ready to settle down. Going out every weekend and one-night stands have little appeal to me anymore. Being able to do nothing on a Sunday with you (maybe you!) or going out with friends and coming home together for intoxicated “let’s try something different” sex, that’s what I’m looking for. Sooo I guess I’m looking for a lazy Sunday and some drunken sex? Maybe I haven’t changed. But you get the point, I want that with someone, a partner in crime, not just a one-night what’s-your-name.

If you asked anyone who knows me, they would be shocked, and think no way am I that guy. Because I have been the previously mentioned assumption for many years. But girls I go out with on dates now are SOOOOO boring, but cute, and sweet, and then that word “settle” comes to mind, and I realize how much I hope no woman ever has to settle. Or that no man ever goes into his later years without truly opening up to someone, because it’s built into them not to, or because making money is the only love he (or she) really cares about.

As some women are becoming more and more independent and don’t need or care about having a man in their life, it’s almost like the roles have changed. I doubt any guy will admit to this, but it’s true. Hey ladies, want to know something? When 3-4 guys in their young thirties, or whatever the age, are sitting at a bar, or having brunch the next day, one of them is definitely talking about “dude I totally got that girl’s number, I might text her but I can’t remember if she’s hot or not,” but the other guys at the bar/table are talking about an amazing conversation they had with a gal, or how doing this weekend after weekend is getting old and getting you nowhere, and that you would much rather stay in on Saturday night watching SNL.

So are guys now the ones who are seeking the perfect woman, telling themselves they will never settle, and just want to settle down, while woman are thriving and to be honest just the dominant sex? Let’s be honest, they always have been.

The coolness of a 40-year-old independent woman who gets what she wants is overtaking the coolness of the shoe-loving fashion cliché of the 40-year-old who talks about sex at brunch each Sunday and how there are no perfect guys. And the “I could talk all night about Breaking Bad or Argo and totally enjoy browsing Pinterest in between commercials of the game and screw it let’s cuddle,” is overcoming the “cool, shot taking nice abs living off of credit thirty something notch on the belt” guy. It’s a slow process, and it doesn’t apply to everyone, but it’s happening.

Guys are evolving just as much as gals, we are just way behind, and can only hope to catch up, and that women start to really believe there are guys out there who want the same things. Then we can all leave the stereotypes at the door before we walk in. TC mark

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