5 Reasons Your Boyfriend Is Cheating On You
There are a few important, mind boggling questions that we face throughout life: What came first, the chicken or the egg? Creation or Evolution? Will Angelina Jolie’s fellatio put you in a week-long coma? But on a daily basis, women worldwide raise Kleenex’s stock whilst asking the eternal question, “Why did he cheat on me?”
Put that wrist knife down and settle yourself. You no longer have to scour the planet or hone your psychic abilities to reach a conclusion. I have been kind enough to put all the possibilities as to why he was engaging in extra-curricular intercourse into five points. Please do not hesitate to ask for my PayPal email should you decide to make a donation. However, before we delve into the results from my meticulous scientific observations, l’d like to make a point. I am not justifying men cheating, but it seems rather ridiculous for women to discombobulate when the act occurs as if it hasn’t been occurring since the beginning of time. King David had a throng of consorts as he completed the Lord’s work, and you’re foolish if you believe Mufasa was playing the monogamous role whilst Simba was gallivanting in the elephant graveyard. I can assure you his lioness stable was second to none.
Anyhow, back to business. Here are the top five reasons why your boyfriend is out doing the do with someone other than you. I won’t harp about what you should and should’t do; I’m simply just a man with a full beard that knows a lot of men who have cheated.
1. He Thinks The Grass Is Greener
There is only one thing better than great shoes, and thats new shoes.
Unfortunately for us all, people become complacent and forget what’s important to them. Their priorities get out of sync or sometimes it can be a bad stretch in the relationship that has them contemplating, “can I do better?” The monotony and regularity gets the best of some individuals and they begin to question their significant other.
When a man’s mind starts doing the harlem shake, he does not always analyze the situation in depth. He may look at his girlfriend and think, “good times, bad times, nagging, love, stable, boring, great, valleys, peaks blah blah blah.” Whereas he may look at another woman and not know her dramas or the potential downfalls; all he may see is, “nice person, sex.” Some walk to the shoreline and walk right back. Others stick in their foot to see how warm the water is. And some jump off the cliff face butt naked into the waves.
A girlfriend is like a home cooked meal: good for you, warm, nourishing, nutritious, and consistent. But sometimes… he might just want some KFC.
2. You’re Not A Freak
If you don’t do it, somebody else will.
Look, its 2012. If your definition of a wild, kinky night is dressing up as a nurse so you can check his “blood pressure,” I’m afraid you’re stuck in the past. In college he witnessed debauchery and hedonism that was second to none, and his favorite porn star is engaging in ungodly behavior. So what makes you think he’s content with vanilla sex? Being freaky does not mean being freaky with everyone, and contrary to the incorrect beliefs of some it is not synonymous with being easy. Some women think, “if I do this or that then he’ll think I used to be slovenly.” Those are the thoughts of an immature man who is living in la-la land.
Faithful men that never cheat (Lord bless them) will still look at other women in a sexual way and their eyes will always wander; no big deal. So if a man already has these passing thoughts from time to time, why even give an extra boost for him to slip? Don’t be boring — because if he’s bored then he’s going to unbored himself.
3. You Didnt Keep Yourself Together
Familiarity breeds complacency.
Some men are very superficial. There’s a very slim chance that he initially approached you because he couldn’t wait to dissect your brain and discover what your favorite red wine was. On the contrary, he probably liked what he saw and it was your aesthetics that led him to courting.
When you met him you were prep and prim; glowing skin, perky assets, and toned limbs. Then you became content and cancelled your gym membership… glued to the sofa as you studied Grey’s Anatomy. Slowly but surely the love handles became more loving and the new girl at his work place decided to start flicking her hair in his face as she asked for the stapler.
4. Simply Put, He’s A Cheater
For every beautiful woman, there’s a guy tired of doing her.
There are some real life, hopeless men out there; some guys just have cheating in their blood. A woman can be absolutely perfect and do everything in her power to keep a happy relationship, but some men are just predisposed to share their love. The reasoning? I don’t know. Some will tell you its natural and that the vast majority of mammals (95% according to one report) have multiple partners. Others will tell you he had issues with his parents and socialization. However, I can tell you that Eric Benét continuously cheated on Halle Berry, one of the most stunning people in our solar system. She even gave him chances whilst putting him in sex rehab. The result? He did it again. Therefore is it safe to say some men are just entirely beyond repair.
I would assume that this is the easiest cheating to deal with; at least its not about you or anything you could have done. Some women decide to put their love for said man over his faults so they allocate cheat passes for him. They figure if he’s going to do it anyway then it might as well be safe and controlled. But to each his own.
5. He’s Not Your Best Friend
What is a friend? A single soul in two bodies.
Alright, the quote above was definitely googled and some of you may think I’ve turned into baby thighs… soft. Nonetheless, it is still applicable and it fits in perfectly to end my piece. This point is continuously overlooked and sometimes never even considered. A lot of people that are in relationships are not best friends with their spouse. Have you not seen the way your boyfriend hangs out with, talks about, bonds, and respects his best guy friends? If they are truly best friends would he stab them in the back or do an unthinkable act towards them? The answer is most likely, “no”.
Therefore if you were truly his best friend he would have a much harder time lying to you or breaking a special bond. He wouldn’t see it as, “cheating on his gf, he he he,” but it would be more along the lines of, “I wouldn’t even imagine disrespecting my friend like that”.
So maybe you should stop hoping for imaginary Prince Charming to jump out of the TV screen and whisk you away to a moonlit dinner or a white sanded beach, and instead grow healthy relationships with someone you care about on a different level.
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They say laughter is the best medicine, and six months ago I found myself highly medicated, that is, I remembered how to laugh.
If we are not happy now with ourselves and what we are doing then what the hell makes us think that we will be happy or satisfied later?
I remember the grass tickling my bare legs and the stains on your shirt, and you smirking at my excitement before your tongue swirled pralines and cream into my mouth.
Second semester: I wonder how much coffee it would take to kill someone?