I Still Miss You To Bits And Pieces

Tonight, I remember you.

I remember when I was younger you would bring me to work. You would hold my hand going up to your workplace because the road was steep.

Every November 1^st we would all go to the cemetery and I would always go with you, every year, it would always be like that. Dad would be busy during those times, so you took charge of me.

When December comes, I would always watch you get home from work, to see if you’ve bought a gift for me already. I was always happy every time I see my name at the bottom of your tree.

I have this memory, I have always kept. I had a vague memory of my childhood, but I remember the day you gave me a hand me down white dress your daughter couldn’t wear anymore. It was the most beautiful white dress, you can tie the back with a ribbon to finish the look. I loved it.

One time I scraped my knee on my way going to your house and I cried a lot. I remember being too scared to tell my dad so you mended my scrape until he came looking for me.

I would always come by your house, the family house growing up. I would volunteer washing the dishes, and helping your daughter with her college homework. It was silly.

When we moved to Canada, you and your daughter have already left the main house. It was a year before we left that you moved out. I don’t remember what I felt.

But seeing the second floor of the main house empty, made me feel empty.

Back then, I was too young to know but I knew. I knew what was happening but I couldn’t say anything. I just didn’t understand, why things have to change. Why you had to go away, why problems have to come. Why every family has to be at a discord.

I don’t remember how our last conversation went. I don’t know what you were wearing the last time I saw you. But I remember you saying that when I go back home, you would want a bag as a gift. I promised myself I would. Certainly I would bring you a bag. I would.

But 3 years later we received a message. They said you weren’t doing well. A week later you passed away. Vaguely I remember my Dad crying, I lost an aunt but he, he lost a sister. I know families have their own discord, but at that moment; there wasn’t any. Dad was just an older brother, grieving for the passing of his younger sister.

When we came back 2 years after her passing. We visited her and I just stared at the tomb stone. I didn’t imagine coming back to only her name, and the memories she left behind.

I didn’t even get the chance to thank her for everything she did for me.

I grew up with my mom working abroad to make a living and at times I missed her and although my dad was always there for me, my aunt was like a mother to me. And I’m very thankful for her.

I wish I knew then. I wish I was expressive enough to thank her then. I am very grateful Tita. Thank You.