1. Laugh constantly. Laugh freely. Laugh at every moment in your life. Laugh when it is appropriate. Laugh when it isn’t. Laugh when it fucking hurts like hell. Laugh when the happiness escaping your throat is as smooth as a whiskey seven. If you cannot laugh when you’re beat down. When you are hurt. When you are two seconds away from inhaling a pain that will drown you, you will never survive.
2. Orgasms are by far, hands down, the best thing for your complexion. Don’t waste money on some ridiculously overpriced face wash. Lancome is a lie. So is Cover Girl. Instead, put your fingers to work. Go pay the thirty or fifty bucks for a bunny that’s guaranteed to get you off. Become comfortable enough with an individual to sleep with them on a daily basis. Just cum consistently and your pores will thank you.
3. A cob salad has more calories than a double cheeseburger. Don’t kid yourself.
4. A girl can never own too many stilettos. Yes, they will hurt. Yes, they will cost almost as much as your rent. Yes, while they were once undeniably beautiful you will inevitably wreck them thanks to countless nights plagued with tequila and bad decisions. It doesn’t matter. They will make you feel beautiful when you can’t stand to look at yourself in the mirror. They will make your legs appear longer, your form appear slimmer, and your ass appear Brazilian.
5. Argue. Debate. Disagree. That is the only way you will become privy to the beauty that is an organic learning environment. Keep an open mind. Listen. Nod at the appropriate time. Stand up for yourself when necessary and shut the fuck up when you should. A coalition of different viewpoints is essential to true understanding. Be prideful enough to lend verve to your voice and humble enough to know when your voice is cracking.
6. Music will save you. It will also kill you. Certain songs will repair gaping holes in your heart while others will send you back two years ago; when you were in his arms, kissing his lips, and resting your head on his shoulders as he strangled his fingertips with your hair. Regardless, music is a constant reminder that it’s okay to feel. It is okay to remember, to reminisce, and to be sad. It’s okay to cry laugh smile lose control scream dance become far too sentimental forget. To. Just. Be. Hiding behind intoxicating melodies and beautiful breakdowns is the universe’s permission to feel. So close your eyes and turn up the volume.