We were all weird in middle school. We’re still weird as adults. Here are a few choice examples.
The kid who: ate paste.
Is now the adult who: eats a McDonald’s breakfast sandwich on the daily and feels fine.
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The kid who: rolled Fruit Roll-ups into balls and took bites out of them, like apples.
Is now the adult who: orally abuses burritos at Chipotle in a way that makes you…angry?
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The kid who: carried all their books in their shaky arms instead of having a backpack.
Is now the adult who: brings one tote bag to the supermarket, overfills it, and won’t accept any help or additional bags.
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The kid who: walked home from school when everyone else took the bus.
Is now the adult who: goes to happy hour for “just one drink” and actually does leave after one drink.
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The kid who: never had a pen.
Is now the adult who: still never has a pen. Or a condom. Or a clue.
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The kid who: chewed on their shirt collar.
Is now the adult who: talks about how they grind their teeth at night and discusses their mouth guard at parties.
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The kid who: drew dicks on everything.
Is now the adult who: makes “that’s what she said!” jokes, no matter what the setting, no matter how long it’s been since the Office was popular.
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The kid who: constantly had a ring around their mouth of phantom lip, clearly from licking their lips, drooling, and never using chapstick.
Is now the adult who: compulsively applies those EOS lipbalms that look like butt plugs and/or small eggs.
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The kid who: sat on the back of the bus in a two-seater with their backpack, even though everyone else had to pack into the three-seaters.
Is now the adult who: manspreads and/or lady-leans three subway seats to themselves, and/or drives the car that doesn’t inch forward at a left turn opportunity, leaving everyone else behind them to suffer in left-turn purgatory forever.
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The kid who: pl
Is now the adult who: holds their phone up for an aerial view of their plate, in public. For Instagram purposes.
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The kid who: took gym way too seriously.
Is now the adult who: does crossfit.
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The kid who: Put every single friend’s initials in their AIM profile like: “KB ND LS FD LT AR BB LYLAS!!!”
Is now the adult who: has a Facebook album for every single outing, complete with at least 40 pregame photos, 25-55 photos at the actual bar or party, and no less than 12 brunch pics per month — weather permitting.
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The kid who: was MySpace famous.
Is now the adult who: calls themselves a fitness coach/model/lifestyle blogger/beer aficionado/foodie because they have an iphone 6+ and 1K+ Instagram followers.
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The kid who: tried to get you to write Pen Island or Pen 15 on your notebook, your desk — basically anywhere they could get you to write “penis.”
Is now the adult who: can’t stop staring at your bulge or chest during business hours — like come on, man. Save that for the Christmas party.
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The kid who: had a ton of porn pop ups happen like “out of nowhere” on their computer when you tried to play Rollercoaster Tycoon.
Is now the adult who: is a big fan of Chrome’s incognito feature.
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The kid who: wrote HAGS in every single yearbook they could get their hands on.
Is now the adult who: hits “reply all” on every class listserv or company-wide email with something like, “Thanks so much!!!!” or a really specific question posed towards one person.
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The kid who: organized M.A.S.H rounds and knew everyone’s crushes, so they set it up so that M.A.S.H was as embarrassing as possible.
Is now the adult who: holds Bachelor viewing parties at their house.
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The kid who: just smelled really bad in general.
Is now the adult who: wears organic deodorant, even on airplanes.
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The kid who: didn’t talk throughout all of middle school but wouldn’t shut the fuck up in high school and acted like every opinion they had was an original thought.
Is now the adult who: writes for Thought Catalog. 
