How To Have A Friend With Benefits (And Not Get Hurt)

First things first you need to really think. Women tell men all the time they don’t want a relationship so that the guy will sleep with them. 95% of the time, that’s bullshit. What we’re really saying is that we hope we will sleep with them and they’ll see how awesome and cool we are and decide they suddenly want to date us. So before you decide to casually sleep with someone, truly decide if you can see yourself dating that person. Can you imagine potentially going on dates, introducing them to your friends and family? If you can — if you love their personality and think down the road you’ll want more — then turn away now because you will get hurt and the fun will be temporary and sporadic.

Well, now that you’ve gotten this far, remove the word “friends” from friends with benefits. Fuck buddy is really a more accurate term. You can’t actually be friends as much as you’d like to think you can. There’s no going out or hanging out. It can never really be like the movie. They shouldn’t meet your friends — or, hell, maybe not even your roommate. You can’t talk about your day or your family or really anything personal at all. Maybe it sounds drastic, but avoid anything that can evoke the “He’s so great and I think he might want more”. Sexting makes for great and fun conversation. Stick with that.

For the love of God, stay off their social media sites. I’m definitely the pot calling the kettle black on this one, but I’ve learned. Social media has given us a thousand more ways to stalk people and a hundred thousand more things to obsess and over analyze.  Where are they? Are they sleeping with someone else? Who is their top Snapchat friend, is it a girl? Why did he like that photo on Instagram? Who is tweeting him?  It’s a recipe for disaster. Facebook was my demise twice. You’ll be happier without ever taking that venture, at least to the extreme. It’s freeing when you can get past that.

All that’s left is the fun. Once you’ve decided this is all you want, enjoy it. Sex should be fun, spontaneous and enjoyable. You can have all of the fun parts without the “Am I acting how they want?” Who cares? You aren’t dating. Be yourself. Say what you want and have sex when you want. There’s no pretending to be the person you think they want you to be. I’m not advocating for fuck buddies, I’m simply putting out the things I’ve learned the hard way.

And when it’s a few weeks or months in and you think you want more, take a step, a large step back and think again. Why do you think you have feelings, are they real? We tend to think we need to date someone when were sleeping with them. Do we even know them enough to like them? Clearly, if this is all they wanted, they’re probably a little bit of an asshole, so why do we even want to date them?  Think rationally and decide if you really like them or just think you do. And if you do, then tell them and if they reciprocate, well, at least you have your answer — though you can’t say you didn’t expect it.