The Soulmate You Deserve
He will tell all of his friends that you are breathtaking. And when they smile politely he’ll repeat it, slowly, No, I mean really, truly breeaaatthhhtakkkiinnngg, will insist that they think about what it would feel like to have the very wind sucked out of them and placed inside of a music box. They won’t understand, but it will be the best way he will know how to describe why when you looked at him for the first time, all he could hear was music and the sound of his own breathing.
You will meet him at a pie-eating contest or at a bad house party or because you happen to be the only two people who like going to the park when it rains. He will be friendly and ask you for your name. You will give it to him. You will talk for hours and when he finally asks for your telephone number, you’ll hesitate. Take the chance, give him your number, ask him out to coffee. He will say yes to anything you ask of him because he loves like you love: sometimes too eagerly, sometimes too early, but always deeply.
He won’t be the most handsome or the most successful person you’ve ever met. His left front tooth will be a little crooked and his favorite movie will be something embarrassing like Must Love Dogs or The Lakehouse, but he’ll fill your days with small surprises, like stuffing all of the pockets of all of your pants and coats with your favorite candy on your birthday. He’ll write things like Have a beautiful smile and Be loved on all of your to-do lists, checking them off in thick red ink. When he walks into your living room to find you dancing, half-naked, to I want it that way he will not laugh or mock you, but will grab your hand and sing every word at the top of his lungs. And when you accidently knock over a drink at an important dinner, he’ll knock over his entire plate to save you from embarrassment.
You will shimmy your way through many decades together. You will choose the paint for the walls of your home based on the silliness of their names: tantalizing tangerine, indigo dream. You will name your children after your favorite characters from your favorite books and he will teach them important things like the difference between frogs and toads and how to whistle with their index and pinky fingers. It won’t always be an easy life, but it will be a life of dancing on tabletops and too-strong margaritas, of embarrassing-the-kid kisses and quiet afternoons with no words, no sounds other than the crinkle of pages he will turn in the book you’re both reading while nesting on the couch.
For him, you will be the light at the end of the tunnel, the halo of glowing yellow that he has been waiting for. Never forget that you are someone worth steering for, someone worth the swift kick in the opposite direction worth all of the trials and checklists and almostrights because you are a mountaintop, the crush of violet on skin from a rainbow that seems so close to the earth that it must be real. When he comes to you, gorge on his compassion. Fill yourself completely. He will think you a miracle, a revelation and will count himself as the lucky one. Do not question him or yourself — this is exactly the kind of love you deserve.
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“Ms. Katelyn, you better find yourself a husband so you can save some money and get comfortable!”
The answer is simple: time and conscious thought.
I just want to be 79 years old so I can watch Boy Meets World re-runs in peace and not feel guilty for wasting my perky breasts and small wrists on a gallon of ice cream and Ben Savage in all his 11-year-old prime. I AM A SQUARE.
2. Embrace Your Mistakes: They Make You Who You Are.