9 Ways To (Pretend To) Be A Writer
1. Wherever you go, carry a black Moleskine around. Don’t have it in your bag though, of course. Carry it at your side with a black pen in the other hand, or, ideally, prominently placed behind your ear.
2. Drop some form of the line, “Yeah, I was thinking of putting something like that in my novel” into casual conversation. Example: Your girlfriend says, “I’ve actually been fighting depression for nearly a decade. I’m so happy I can talk to you about it though.” You: “Yeah, I was thinking of giving one of my character’s in my new novel depression. You can be my consultant. It’s gonna be a great book. Glad to hear about your depression.”
3. Live in Paris, New York or London. San Francisco is an acceptable alternative, but not ideal. People are too happy there.
4. Memorize a sentence from The New Yorker or The Atlantic and use it with friends or, preferably, in class so your teacher can also hear it. Multiple birds and stone situation.
5. Have at least three blogs. Even if you don’t update them you can say, “I write for a variety of publications” and only sort of be lying.
6. Tweet and Facebook links to articles you haven’t read but have smart sounding headlines.
7. Sit in cafés. You can mess around on Facebook, browse Vanity Fair, stalk your ex – it doesn’t matter, just be in that “writer atmosphere.”
8. Post statuses saying you’re “Doing a little writing” or “Not going to let this third act problem get the best of me. Pushing forward!” Tweet it, Facebook it, Instagram it, Tumble it, WordPress it, put it in LinkedIn experience. Do what you have to do, just be sure everyone knows.
9. Write one article. Someone will eventually ask to see your writing. The rest can be “works in progress.”
I’m sure you’ve seen the YouTube video David After Dentist thousands of times by now, but never like this.
By Rob Fee
Thank you for your interest in a life free of pain. We are not accepting applications at this time. Please try again and again and again and again.
The subject of this documentary is video games, but DO NOT let that turn you off from watching it.
If you’re looking for something a little more than a time waster, with some substance, there has never been a better time to get a handheld console.