10 Signs You Have Been Reading Too Much George R. R. Martin
1. You begin to view everyone with blond hair as sinister schemers who’d best not be trusted. Winter is coming, you think to yourself with silent fury when some bimbo cuts in front of you at the ATM.
2. You cut your hand while chopping vegetables, and briefly wonder if a dose of boiling wine might not be the best treatment.
3. You begin to ponder names with lots of Ys in them for your Hypothetical Future Children, much as you did in fifth grade in Ohio when you planned to name your firstborn Khrystyne Storm. Bonus if you know what you’d name your direwolf.
4. When out to dinner one night, you find yourself searching the wine list for Dornish vintages.
5. You get caught sketching potential house sigils in your notepad at a meeting.
6. You Wikipedia the Greyjoy lineage, you sad, sad human being.
7. In a road rage incident that leaves everyone shaken and confused, you call someone an “upjumped son of a hedge knight”.
8. Lying in bed, sleepless, you compose a little mental slashfic starring complex Jaime Lannister and dreamy Jon Snow to, ahem, help you sleep, and don’t immediately kill yourself in shame.
9. Though you haven’t attended Mass for several years and don’t feel the least bit conflicted about it, you’re dreadfully torn by the question of which god you’d worship in Westeros — the old gods, the Seven, or R’hllor — and what that would say about your character.
10. You think that you should design and wear a Team Stark t-shirt, and that doing so would actually be funny and cool instead of terrifyingly lame.
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If you’ve been looking for a chance to say something then this very well could be it.
I wish to God I’d had a list like this when I was 23.
Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.
I remember taking the pen and notebook from that woman outside the courtroom, flipping to a clean page in the book, and writing, JESSICA IS SAD in big, bold, uncoordinated letters. “My sister is going to be a good writer someday! Look at how nice her lines are!”