July 7, 2014

10 Ways You’re Making Dating More Difficult Than It Has To Be

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What is the issue?
(500) Days of Summer
(500) Days of Summer

1. Keeping multiple romantic interests or people you have some kind of history with on the side out of fear that it won’t work with the main person you actually want to be with. Often times as a result, the relationship you want won’t come to fruition, specifically because you’ve got those safety net individuals on the side.

2. Researching the person you’re interested in on social media too much. Most are guilty of lurking because a crush with a public profile is one of the purest forms of temptation. The real problem arises when you learn an excessive amount and overthink or psych yourself out. Should I brush up on my Drake because she was listening to Drake on Spotify? Should I have mentioned his trip to Spain that I only know about from scanning deep into his Instagram? Should I be mad he/she hasn’t texted me back, but they just tweeted two minutes ago? These are the type of questions our generation ponders on.

3. Trying to repair something that is obviously, blatantly, clearly broken. When you know there’s permanent, irreversible damage (e.g. your trust was broken in a way that it can’t possibly be earned back), you’ve got to accept that it has run its course. If you feel that the building is going to collapse, don’t waste precious time installing tile to pretty the place up before the inevitable catastrophe.

4. Handling everything passive aggressively. “I’m fine.” The silent treatment. Casually catty, indirect social media posts. All of those methods, while tempting in the heat of the moment, are childish. They’ll drag the tiniest of issues out and often turn them into something colossal, whereas speaking your mind from the jump never fails to save time, and at least offers the person you’re upset with an opportunity to understand and/or make it right.

5. Remaining in vague romantic situationships that you’d prefer to have identified. You want to be official? Initiate the “what are we” discussion and regardless of the answer, you’ll be able to know what your next move needs to be.

6. Assuming you won’t be liked/loved for your ways and keeping interested individuals at a distance. Too often I hear of people thinking that their day-to-day tendencies aren’t romantically acceptable. For example, some weekends you want to hit the bar and socialize, others you want to sit at home in soft pants with a ton of takeout food and do nothing. Guess what – there are plenty of people the exact same way, and several others who would be willing to embrace a particular routine because they’ll be with you.

7. Seeking revenge when someone you’re dating does you wrong. A person hurt you so you’ve got to get even, right? Naturally that seems to be the thought process, but instead of actively spending a portion of your life trying to go tit-for-tat, you can make an effort to understand their condition & the reasons behind the wrongdoings, or immediately move on.

8. Waiting for contact instead of initiating it whenever you want. It’s simple – don’t torture yourself wishing and waiting. Send a text, make a call, write a message – anything other than prolonged eye contact, telepathy attempts or crossed fingers to actually put yourself out there. Whether you’re embraced, denied, ignored or (worst-case scenario) screencapped & publicly laughed at/humiliated on social media, you won’t be stuck in “what-if” land, where the emotional cost of living is incredibly high.

9. Acting indifferent towards whomever you’re interested in. Pretending not to care about someone is more strenuous than putting yourself out there is terrifying.

10. Straight up fighting romance off. Being the solo, comfortable, independent person is great, sure, but when you aggressively become shutdown because you’ve caught yourself feeling feelings and emoting emotions, that’s not healthy. You can’t control love. You can break all of the light bulbs but that won’t stop the sun from rising. Also, now there are shards of glass everywhere, dummy. TC mark

Like this? Read this guide to better dating.

date-better.v2

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