1. He/she who hesitates is lost. If you don’t have a game plan upon entering Starbucks, any time spend deliberating can take away the very opportunities you were trying to choose between. Take the cushiony seat or the wooden one next to an outlet? Do I want to be comfy or do I want to have an outlet so I can charge my laptop? Do I sit before or after I drink? You wait and suddenly all of the seats are occupied or a massive line has developed and you’re standing there like a thumb twiddling, frap-less freak.
2. Don’t judge a person by a brief observation. A few times I’ve been behind customers who order something incredibly specific with ridiculous instructions and details, so I assumed that they were horrible people, glaring at the back of their head with disdain. Shortly thereafter they struck up a conversation and turned out to be friendly, kind people, according to the small talk shared. Order your venti iced skinny hazelnut macchiato, with sugar-free syrup, an extra shot, light ice and no whip while I refrain from assuming that you speed up when you see adorable bunnies on the road and do other terrible things.
3. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Hence why seasonal drinks, specifically pumpkin spice and peppermint mocha, are so highly praised when they make their annual appearance.
4. If you’re going to submit to your vices, do it in sizeable fashion. That doesn’t necessarily mean binge, but at least indulge so you can thoroughly enjoy it. Prime example: Cake pops. Delicious? Yes. Ample satisfaction? Debatable. I vote no because some of the coffee cake samples they hand out are larger portions than those puny cake pops. I’ll have the Bruce Bogtrotter cake pop, please.
5. The way you imagine yourself is often significantly different from other people’s perspectives. By that, I mean your name has several alternative spellings depending on how your barista’s brain works (or doesn’t).
6. Nothing is as perfect as it seems, all it takes is the right lighting to expose blemishes. In other words, your laptop screen is always filthy. Always.
7. People are generally trustful of others… Somewhat When a stranger seated next to you asks if you’ll watch their belongings while they run to the restroom, they’re assuming that you’re not a thief yourself. It shows that they’re trusting to an extent, but if they’re asking you to protect their laptop it’s because they don’t entirely trust people. “Do you mind watching my stuff?” is probably more like “Please don’t steal my stuff, or let anyone else steal it either.”
8. Some do good deeds for the benefit of others; some do good deeds for the praise and recognition. If you consciously make an effort to let it be known that you’re tipping, you’re a member of the latter.
9. Don’t choose momentary satisfaction if it’s guaranteed to result in a great deal of agony. Lactose intolerant folks who love their 2% milk enough to face brutal punishment after consuming know exactly what I’m talking about.
10. Some people are actually complete jerks. To expand on point two, some of those people, fancy drink order or not, have venti-sized egos and are rude, horrible individuals.