10 Ways Shy People Flirt
1. Seek Eye Contact… Kind of
This is a common occurrence for shy folks — look at person you’re trying to flirt with — they’re not looking? Look away. Try again. Still not looking at you? Look away. Again? Yes! Ah, there’s successfully been eye contact made! It’s happening RIGHT NOW — hurry, look away immediately! Your heart is beating quickly and your pits are moist. (I used the word moist to make sure you’re a little uncomfortable just reading this.) The thing about shy flirters is that they want to make and not make eye contact at the same time.
2. Crossing Their Fearful Little Fingers
That’s right, sometimes a shy person knows good ‘n well that they lack the courage to initiate potentially positive interaction, so all they can do is say a prayer and hope that the other person notices their existence. “Maybe if I sit here in this corner, staring down at the ground in the social equivalent of the fetal position, this person will come over and give birth to a conversation… Maybe? MAYBE?”
3. Being Sarcastic Jerks
It’s just like grade school and at this point, it’s often obvious when fake-callous flirting is taking place. If a person is rude to you, they’re either comfortable enough around you to be sarcastic, or they legitimately hate your guts. Typically you should be able to recognize the difference. Being that sarcasm is so casual these days, being cynical has become a really simple, comfortable means of modern flirtation.
4. Be Friends — Nothing More, Nothing Less
Although the “friend zone” is a term and concept that I find silly, remaining strictly friends with someone you’re attracted to is a safe haven that allows you to do things like go to the movies to watch Safe Haven without having any awkward, is-this-a-date-or-not tension. Once you mention the extracurricular feelings there’s always a risk of them not being reciprocated, resulting in an inescapable type of discomfort that can be cancerous to a good friendship.
5. The Facebook Friend Request
Flirt-booking is a thing and a friend request is like a web version of saying “Hi, can I know you or at least see pictures of your life?” As long as there’s a mutual friend or two it’s not creepy, and if they don’t know you, they added you because they were interested in changing that.
6. The “Like” Button
Liking someone’s pictures or statuses is the social networker’s simplest way to show interest. Of course, you can’t assume everyone who liked your new cover photo is longing for your affection, but there’s often times an underlying pattern in a person’s liking habits. For example, anyone liking your status updates back in 2009 is suspect. Even further, anyone liking multiple photos of yours after midnight is spending an undisclosed amount of time scouring your Facebook page before they go night-night, meaning they probably, definitely have a crush that they’re too shy to profess.
7. Tell Their Crush That They Should Listen To This One Song
Which has lyrics that describe your secret feelings precisely, even though you’ll tell them you just like the intricate melody layering or whatever.
8. Letting Feelings Build Up And Then Coming On Way Too Strong
Maybe it took alcohol to give them their newfound courage, or perhaps they’ve built up too many feelings and simply burst, either way, it goes something like this except maybe not quite as extreme:
Opportunity To Flirt #1-73: Nothing.
Opportunity #74: OMG YOU ARE SO HOT AND I LIKE YOU, I MIGHT LOVE YOU, DO YOU LIKE ME? DO YOU LIKE SUSHI? LET’S GET SUSHI AND TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE — Y’KNOW, OUR FORTHCOMING CHILDREN LOGAN AND JASMINE. I ONLY WANT WHAT’S BEST FOR THEM SO I’VE ALREADY GOOGLE’D THE TOP PRIVATE SCHOOLS IN COLORADO – WHICH IS WHERE WE WILL LIVE IN A VERY NICE HOME WITH OUR HEATED POOL AND ITALIAN MARBLE TILE FLOORS.
Smiles are a safe bet because everybody smiles at everybody. We smile at babies, kids, old people, co-workers – anyone who would assume that a smile meant you want them would be absolutely full of themselves – even if they’re correct. Quickly flashing the pearly whites is a risk-free, go-to move for the shy guys and gals of the world.
It’s the complete opposite of #1, but different strokes for different shy folks. The crucial thing about staring is that the person being ogled has to find you physically attractive for it to be embraced. There’s only a one-word difference, but entirely altered tones between the statements “This really cute girl/guy was staring at me!” And “This really creepy girl/guy was staring at me!”
It’s just true, when the person is attractive, their staring is typically considered a lot less eerie and taken as a complimentary type thing. That’s the risk a shy stare-flirter takes – if the person doesn’t find you aesthetically pleasing, you’re now labeled odd. That being said, just about anyone staring wide-eyed and excessively can give off stranger-danger vibes, no matter how good looking they are.
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3. Really good Groupon deals.
1. They treat a waitress poorly.
How many resumes have we submitted, never to hear a reply? How many slices of dollar pizza have we barely been able to afford this week?
“WE WERE ON A BREAK!”