9 Important Things Everyone Should Remember Around Valentine’s Day
1. Any random texts from someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time must be handled cautiously. Now I ain’t saying he’s/she’s a gold-digger, but there’s something awfully sketchy about a “Hey stranger ;)” text message out of the blue, that just so happens to be sent within weeks of Valentine’s Day, and in the midst of tax season.
2. The two or three days following V-Day are what cavities are made of! You can hit up Target, Walgreens, Walmart, etc. for absurd amounts of super cheap clearance candy! Sure, the boxed chocolates are probably still a smidgen overpriced, but there are caramel filled ones in there that make it all worth it. Plus, those chalky conversation hearts are seasonal, so you’ve got to stockpile ‘em.
3. If you’re single, you get to save money and if you’re taken, you get to share, and perhaps even spoil someone on this lovely Hallmark holiday! Always see the glass as half full – and if it looks half empty, it probably just needs to be topped off with wine.
4. Never has staying home wearing sweatpants and ordering in made more sense than on one of the busiest days for restaurants. Don’t eat in public! The massive crowds are a legitimate reason to avoid society, whether you do so solo, or with a significant other.
5. Careful, y’all — the massive amounts of chocolate that come with Valentine’s day are the beginning of the end of thousands of New Year’s resolutions to be healthy. So many folks see their downfall here, try to make sure you indulge warily.
6. If you’re single and looking, the bar/club is where you need to be. Single people will make up 99% of the attendees… The other 1% is occupied by really, really shitty boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives.
7. DO NOT allow Valentine’s Day to make any casual connections or early dating situations you’re involved in feel awkward. Sometimes people get the urge to address the lack of official labeling or question where things are going, all because of February 14th. Proceed as you were, letting things happen naturally instead of making or breaking a relationship prematurely.
8. If you’ve been single for a while then you have absolutely no reason to get worked up over Valentine’s Day. Surviving Christmas and New Year’s as a single person should have you well prepared for one more slap in the face, albeit, this one is more like a closed fist swung slightly harder than the previous two.
9. Let it be known, V-Day will never be as carefree and enjoyable as it was during grade school. Back then, EVERYBODY exchanged cards — dudes gave their bros cards, girls gave their bestie a greeting – it was all love, merrily being spread around the classroom. There were well thought out plans executed, in which we gave our crush a special card and perhaps some extra candy, because nothing said “I like like you” as clearly as a miniature Kit Kat. Ah, those were the days, and whether you’re single or with someone, Valentine’s Day this year likely can’t hold a candle to Valentine’s Day in 3rd grade.
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Experiment so you know exactly what you want, but keep your number low.
Go break a leg!
…Why? Because JAMES FRANCO, that’s why.
Until this year, I’d always though that my depression wasn’t really “depression,” but more a product of me being anxious and unhappy in my (static) environment.