15 Things That Need To Stop Happening At The Movies
1. The nachos and bulk candy will look appealing, and you’ll consider if it’s worth the dent it’ll put in your bank account before buying or passing. Sadly, the should-I-buy-this self-debate always last longer than the actual consumption of your treats.
2. A seemingly frustrated Cinemark forewarning will give you a stern spiel about NOT using your cellular device during the movie. The upbeat jingle in the background kind of hides the fact that they’re angrily lecturing folks, as if that message isn’t mostly there for the group of teens trying to impress and out obnoxious one another.
3. Someone will voice their opinion on each and every last one of the movie previews shown. Not just a “that looks good,” but a full blown Siskel and Ebert session.
4. You may or may not be a parent, but you’ll question the judgment of the people who brought their baby or child to a movie with lots of loud noises, explicit language, nudity, violence, etc. Now the kid is crying and we’re annoyed with him/her for a split second, then we realize it’s not their fault mommy and daddy can’t grasp the concept of a babysitter, or not bringing someone incapable of taking independent poops to an R-rated flick.
5. A group of people will use their outside voices, chatting and laughing so noisily during the pre-movie-festivities that you’ll sit there wondering, wishing and hoping that they’re not going to continue being this loud once the movie begins.
6. Despite being in a nearly empty theater that seats 200 or so people, someone will sit RIGHTNEXT to you. It’s even worse when you comfortably have your feet rested on the chair in front of you, and they decide that out of 180 other options, that seat directly in front of you is the one they want.
7. Another unique, problematic seating scenario: some person will attempt to save 14 seats, completely ignoring the fact that they’re at the midnight premiere of a very popular movie, and it’s slim pickens for the folks that are actually there on time.
8. Someone will laugh hysterically at a scene that everyone already had embedded in their brains over the first 3,520 times it was seen in the trailers that aired constantly. How were you not prepared for this?
9. There will be a smacker. Everyone should have patience with the crinkly wrappers, the uncontrollable crunching and whatnot – but the smackers are always a test of how tolerant and easygoing we really are. Question though, why do the smackers always buy Milk Duds which are like the loudest, chewiest candy ever?
10. You’ll have to pee really badly, but the movie will be so entertaining there won’t be a good opportunity. Is a UTI worth potentially missing a shirtless Bradley Cooper scene? Is the risk of a grown man urinating on himself worth the inevitable Halle Berry sex scene? This is what’s at stake.
11. There will be an echoer in the building who finds it necessary to loudly repeat certain lines immediately after they’re spoken as if we came to see/hear their performance. You’ll wish they would just Fandangoaway.
12. Someone may successfully deliver a joke that earned some chuckles, which then makes them believe this is open mic night. Now that their confidence has been fed a bowl of LOLs, they’re going to try to be funny again, and again, and some more. We created this monster by laughing, and now we’ve got to hope he/she realizes that they were a one-hit-wonder.
13. Someone behind you will kick/bump your seat or sneeze/cough uncontrollably, which will make you question if it’d be rude to switch seats before you snap or catch whatever contagiousness they’re firing from their mouth and nose.
14. Some people will treat the end credits like a plane landing, rushing towards the exits. So many people trying to leave hastily, instead of calmly departing since, you know, it’s only going to take about 30 seconds to get out anyway.
15. A combination of any of these annoyances will remind you exactly why you use Redbox and Netflix so very much.
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