6 Things Single People Don’t Worry About

Jan. 10, 2013
Untitled-60Arizona based writer. Check out a collection of my best writing here or follow me Twitter @CEHudspeth

1. Shaving/Body Maintenance

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? If a forest sprouts trees and bushes but no one is around to see ‘em, does it really matter? I vote “no” and I think many single people can concur. With constant shaving comes cuts, razor burn, itching, scratching and general discomfort. When you’ve got no plans to have certain parts visible or areas visited, it makes sense to be a little carefree with maintenance.

2. How Often They Wear Soft Pants

There’s nowhere to go, nobody to impress, and damn sure no dress code for watching Netflix on your couch. Embrace the opportunity to wear each and every last pair of soft, comfy pants in your wardrobe. Get stains on them, wear the same pair multiple days in a row – whatever feels right. Take full advantage of the lazy dressing experience, because eventually you’ll fall in love and start wearing pants that don’t feel like clouds.

3. Washing Sheets Regularly

If it’s only you sleeping on those sheets, you probably have a higher tolerance for your own drool and scents than another person would. Look, there’s no reason to wash those suckers every week or two when the only possible dirtiness is self-inflicted. BASK IN YOUR OWN FUNK! Besides, washing them would mean interacting with fitted sheets, which are like, the most unpleasant non-living thing on the planet.

4. How Ted Mosby Met Those Kids’ Mother

When watching How I Met Your Mother as a single person, you’d much rather see Ted Mosby have his relationships fizzle out than watch him get married and live happily ever after. The crashing and burning that takes place in Ted’s dating escapades, even if it’s scripted, is comforting to see. Somehow, watching a fiction person struggle with dating is really reassuring, even in reality.

5. Important Dates

No anniversaries, birthdays, Valentines Days – which, in addition to saving money, allows single people to not care about the date. Seriously, when you don’t have any of these special days to keep track of, it’s easy to get lost in the pages of the calendar. Christmas Day is like the single person’s North Star. Whenever they get lost in the days, they can look around and tell by weather and decorations, or lack thereof, what time of year it is. Know dates, know dates; no dates, no dates.

6. Their Arm Being In Extreme Pain Or Falling Asleep From Uncomfortable Spooning Positions

Cuddling has got to be one of the most overrated aspects of having a significant other. Arms are falling asleep under backs, hair is getting into faces, feet are touching, and nobody is actually comfortable. Single folks can use those musty pillows of theirs as cuddle buddies. TC Mark

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