11 Reasons Not To Throw A Party At Your Place
1. There’s always someone who thinks the tunes on their iPod qualify them, and them alone to dictate what music is played. They’re like a dictating, wannabe DJ who you’ll have to remind that they’re under your roof.
2. There’ll be two people wanting to have sex with one other person, so the two will engage in an endurance challenge that consists of lingering until the wee hours of the night, hoping to out wait the other.
3. If you mistakenly forget to invite someone, you’ve now got a disgruntled person out there, offended by your snub. Or they’re sad and confused, either way it’s a negative feeling towards you.
4. Someone will inevitably raid your refrigerator and eat random stuff. Leftovers, cookie dough, slices of cheese, pickles etc. Nothing is off limits to a growling, intoxicated stomach.
5. The po-po might make an appearance. Nobody wants the cops at their place, especially when you’ll be ticketed or tagged for any broken laws.
6. People will use your bathroom. DRUNK people. They will have very bad aim and little regard for carefulness.
7. People will want to crash on your couch, on your floors, in your room. And since you’re a nice person who doesn’t want them driving home drunk, you’ll allow it.
8. There’s a slight feeling of accountability and pressure for the night to not completely suck. I mean, nobody wants their name attached to shitty social gatherings.
9. If trouble arises and tempers flare, it’s your responsibility to play bouncer and diffuse the situation.
10. There’ll be a cringe worthy amount of wasted drinks. Beers with no more than two sips taken, cups of mixed drinks filled to the top – so much booze you’ve now got to pour down the drain with your very own hands. Which leads to the next point.
11. You have to clean up everyone’s mess. During parties, being neat and keeping things tidy is the least of every guest’s concerns, and can you blame ‘em? Floors and tables will be sticky, cans and cups will decorate counters and bottle caps, empty bottles and boxes will be all over the place. There’s no guarantee you’ll have assistance, and it’s a lonely time picking up red SOLO cups, solo.
I wish I could know if she was always like this, or if it slowly came on. I can’t ask her because she doesn’t understand that she has an issue. She is willing to admit it for help, but not willing to admit it to fix it.
When a customer demands sugar-free/ fat-free/ decaf anything and asks for extra of the aforementioned, do not trust them. Ever. Then proceed to take a drink.
By Anna Yoakum
11. Hookah Bars were like…really cool.
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