31 Awesome Things About Christmas Time
1. Home cooked meals at a dinner table… Like, actual organized feasts with other living human beings, gathered to eat simultaneously. A big change from the other 360+ days a year of solo frozen dinners on a couch.
2. People getting buzzed off of the widely loved, but often hated concoction known as eggnog. Let’s face it. Eggnog tastes like melted, off brand vanilla ice cream and either you love that or hate it.
3. Elf, which is the Christmas equivalent of Mean Girls because it’s just SO quotable.
4. Christmas music. C’mon, even if you aren’t a fan, you’ve got to realize that listening to Feliz Navidad is an honor, not a privilege.
5. Successfully opening a candy cane (without breaking it), which is the holiday version of getting the straw in your Capri-Sun without making a wet, sticky mess.
6. Irritating, cotton-headed ninny muggins relatives who are bearable only because they’ll be gone for another year if you put up with ‘em for a few days.
7. Dedicated decorators who carry the burden of having a sky-high electricity bill so we can ooh and ahh at their beautiful lights.
8. Finally finding an open parking spot at any crowded department store or over populated mall.
9. Sharing rooms with the siblings you grew up with, just like old times.
10. Devouring an absurd amount of sugar cookies. Some are sprinkled, others frosted, all full calories that are well worth it.
11. A sh-t ton of gift cards from the many people who know you, but not well enough to risk buying a specific item at a place.
12. Pies everywhere. Most people don’t get pie too often throughout the year, but holidays seem to make pies and a variety of other desserts appear frequently.
13. Home Alone.
14. Seeing genuine surprise on a person’s face when you get the perfect gift that they definitely love, but never expected.
15. Finally putting the fireplace to use.
16. Extra time away from school and/or work. In this day and age, anytime napping and relaxing are options, it’s a good thing.
17. Ugly sweater parties that allow us to do our best impression of a festive Bill Cosby.
18. Being kind and patient with the seasonal employee who’s struggling because they’re new and flustered by the less “understanding” customers.
19. ABC Family’s 25 Days Of Christmas, which consists of movies that make us miss being 10-years-old.
20. Michael Bublé’s Christmas album, which is a freakin’ masterpiece.
21. The Dr. Who special.
22. Everything is prettier and outdoors smells edible — like cinnamon, vanilla and sugar are embedded in the December air.
23. Eating whatever you want, racking up the calories and putting ‘em on New-Year’s-Resolution-Dieting-You’s tab.
24. Special Christmas episodes of your favorite TV shows.
25. Not finding any large spiders in the boxes of decorations you took from the garage or attic.
26. Poorly constructing gingerbread houses that look nothing like the image on the box.
27. Indulging in the same 24-hour marathon of A Christmas Story that we overdosed on last year.
28. Being single and happy that you don’t have to spend money on a significant other.
29. Being in a relationship and happy that you have a significant other to spoil.
30. Big-time movie releases. (This year we get Les Miserables and Django Unchained, which makes for a pretty epic week at the box-office.)
31. The amazing clearance deals you’ll find in the days that follow Christmas. Specifically candy that’s being marked down 75% because it’s in a red and green bag, despite it tasting perfectly normal after December 25th.
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We have to keep celebrating life in order to pay proper tribute to the horrible parts.
I recently used the “N” word towards a black man in an aggressive manner.
All over the place, people are facing feelings that will never be reciprocated because gifts and nice gestures do not generate feelings of attraction.
If you see me after therapy, please don’t look at me like I just returned from war.