We Met At The Worst Possible Time
We have control of a lot of things in life, but who comes in and out of it isn’t one of ‘em. Sure we can decide who we allow access to our heart and who gets the boot. When we’re introduced, where we meet and who we are at that time isn’t exactly something we can grab by the horns right that second. Perhaps it’s all meant to play out the way it does, but sometimes it can feel like it’s not. It seems as if the universe slipped up and made a mistake. A crucial error that’s led to you coming face to face with a person you had no business being involved with. At least not here. Certainly not now.
You should’ve seen me before, back when I wasn’t broken. Really, I wish you could’ve. It wasn’t always tense and complicated. I wasn’t always damaged goods. Battle wounds have left scars, permanent ones that can be seen too often for me to appeal to you, but for some odd reason, I do. The blemishes can be covered but why bother? The smokescreen’s mist runs out and the façade requires constant, conscious, strenuous effort that isn’t authentic or sincere.
If this had been a different time in our lives we’d be better. You wouldn’t see the good in me deep down, you’d see the greatness on the surface. You wouldn’t think of me as potential, you’d think of me as currently capable. And this mutually inaccessible stuff would not exist. I wouldn’t see you as a slim chance, I’d see opportunity. I wouldn’t think of you as a pipe dream, I’d think of you as a wish that came true. But we didn’t meet then, we met when we did and maybe that’s just how it was meant to be.
There’s a quote that says people come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime and I always hope you’re sticking around for the latter. But if you are a reason, it must be to show me that I need to fix the breaks and embrace the wounds. Perhaps you’ve served that purpose and any day now we’ll part ways. That’s a sad thought – heartbreaking in fact, but maybe that’s just the way it is. If you’re a season it’s because you were more necessary than you probably realized and a significant part of my surviving a difficult stretch in life. You provided the little bit of light in an abyss of darkness, the nourishment when I was starving, the ears when I needed a listener. Like most seasons though, you’ll run your course and suddenly be gone. Reasons and seasons both suck in the end, but they’re deserving of some appreciation if you take them for what they’re worth.
Now if you are a lifetime – well then that means everything is going to work out. The worries, concerns and uncertainty will eventually disappear. Being involved in each other’s forever may not show in the cards right now, but who’s to say that the next hand we’re dealt won’t make it visible? If you’re here for a lifetime then that changes everything. If you’re here for a lifetime we haven’t met at the worst time, we’ve met at the right one — the perfect one.
A | A | A
I wish to God I’d had a list like this when I was 23.
Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.
I remember taking the pen and notebook from that woman outside the courtroom, flipping to a clean page in the book, and writing, JESSICA IS SAD in big, bold, uncoordinated letters. “My sister is going to be a good writer someday! Look at how nice her lines are!”
To begin, I got totally screwed over in the dental genes department. I was born with a pretty severe overbite and a mouth that was too small.