35 Worst Feelings That Aren’t Life Or Death
1. Rolling over in bed and being greeted by a clock that’s alarm is going to ring in less than ten minutes.
2. Your car won’t start. If you listen closely when the engine revs up but fails to fully start, you can actually hear the maniacal laughter of a mechanic from the near future snatching dollars from your bank account.
3. Discovering that you were cheated on. It’s a unique scenario because you want to know what the hell happened but at the same time you’d rather not hear details.
4. Seeing emotionally damaging things happen to someone you care for — specifically stuff that it’s beyond your control to fix.
5. Buying something that ends up on sale shortly after. A clear sign that the Clearance Gods hate you.
6. FInding out that your crush likes someone else.
7. Finding out that your crush likes someone else and that somebody is a friend of yours. Now you’re forced to watch the two lovebirds together on a regular basis.
8. When you get dumped and, in your fragile state, see that your ex has changed their Facebook relationship status to “Single.” It feels like your heart takes a steep drop on a roller-coaster Sure, you knew it was coming but once it happens you can’t believe they actually did it.
9. Seeing “Questions 1-30 of 600” on an online job application. That means a strenuous hour of answering the same five, differently worded questions.
10. A frozen computer screen when you’re in the process of working on an unsaved document.
11. Anytime a 30 second ad appears before the desired YouTube video and the “Skip After 5 Seconds” button isn’t available.
12. Realizing that you’ve made a typo or mistake in an un-editable Facebook status or Tweet. Especially if you’re friends with decorated members of the Grammar Police Force. It’s like speeding past a hidden cop car and knowing that those headlights will be turning on any second to pull you over and condescendingly lecture you about your wrongdoings.
13. Walking through a spider web.
14. Being genuinely confused with life and unsure what step to take next. (This is not the same as knowing what’s right but not wanting to do it. This is being legitimately lost.)
15. Being replaced in a group of friends. Toy Story really resonates when this happens.
16. Having to leave a warm bed early in the morning during a cold winter.
17. Having a dramatic relationship fight night and making an embarrassing 10+ calls to your boyf/girlf. Each time you have to hear their voicemail greeting it only adds to the stress.
18. Wet socks.
19. Sweating profusely from a workout, taking a shower, then continuing to perspire, ruining your fresh cleanliness.
20. Dropping your cell phone so hard that the case, battery, front and back go their separate ways. Then putting it back together and discovering your screen is cracked just like your freshly broken heart.
21. Hearing the phrase “I need to talk to you” because we automatically assume the conversation won’t be a pleasant one.
22. Extending for a high five/fist bump that the other person doesn’t see or completely dismisses.
23. Being un-followed on Twitter. This is trivial in the big picture but in the world of social networking this is as disappointing as it gets.
24. When you already know the truth but ask someone anyway and their answer is a complete lie.
25. Buying something for someone who you know won’t pay you back. They always conveniently forget their wallet and have a history of memory lapses when it comes to returning monetary favors.
26. Having to snee — wait… Never mind. Oh, there’s the tingle again! Annnd it’s gone again. False alarm allergies are brutal.
27. Trying to fall asleep but being unable to breathe out of one nostril.
28. Having to use the restroom but being stuck in traffic or delayed by a long line. There’s nothing more terrifying than peeing your pants for the first time in 20+ years.
29. Being a diehard fan of a terrible sports team. (Date a Chicago Cubs fan, you’re guaranteed to get very familiar with #4 on this list.)
30. Forgetting to silence your phone and having it go off in a quiet setting. Whether it’s a movie or a work meeting, the humiliation of having to be that person is awful.
31. Leaving home and questioning if you left the oven on, the garage door up and the front door unlocked.
32. When you make a dedicated, honest effort to accomplish something and your best isn’t good enough. (The beauty of these trying times is that they are the challenges that we can submit to or persist through.)
33. Accidentally stepping on a puppy and hearing it squeal in pain.
34. When you realize that formerly a formerly close friend has become a complete stranger.
35. Trying to tell a brilliant story but nobody will listen to you.
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Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.
I remember taking the pen and notebook from that woman outside the courtroom, flipping to a clean page in the book, and writing, JESSICA IS SAD in big, bold, uncoordinated letters. “My sister is going to be a good writer someday! Look at how nice her lines are!”
To begin, I got totally screwed over in the dental genes department. I was born with a pretty severe overbite and a mouth that was too small.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.