11 Things Single People Like
1. February 15th
After a month or so of seeing pink and red hearts, roses, and lovey-dovey-ness all over, there’s nothing a single person appreciates more than 364 days until the next Valentine’s Day.
2. Body Pillows
Actually everybody likes body pillows. They’re long, soft, squeezable, spoonable — what more could you ask for? They don’t snore, lie on your arm ‘til it’s numb or project sweat inducing, sleep depriving body heat like a living person does. The downside is that they can’t return affection. You know, things like stroke your hair or have sex with you, but I’m a glass half full kind of guy so I’ll focus on the positives. Single people need to take pleasure in the fact that your fluffy companion won’t ever hog the covers or fart on you.
3. Fourth Wheels
When you’re close friends with a couple they’ll usually understand that you’re solo and be generous enough to invite you out and about with them. Not like you’re their puppy or two-legged burden, but just a welcoming offer to join their nights out. No matter how well your trio meshes there are going to be occasions where you being single is noticeable and it may feel slightly strange. A fourth wheel is just another body there for the evening who you can interact with at any given time to avoid even the least bit of awkwardness. They don’t even have to be cool or anything, just another person who’s also getting a separate tab from the couple, making you standout less.
4. Saving Money
When it comes to birthdays, anniversaries and holidays, single people’s debit cards don’t have to endure so many painful swipes. Bank accounts aren’t chopped down for the purchase of gifts and that’s something to rejoice in.
If you want to go out, drink an unhealthy amount of alcohol, indulge in promiscuity and stumble home at 6 A.M. without worrying about keeping someone informed of your actions or whereabouts, the single life is for you. It doesn’t even have to be that extreme though. On a smaller scale, things like seeing the movie you want to see or adding whomever you want to on Facebook can be done without restraints.
6. Seeing ________ Is Now Single
Remember that time someone said Patrick Swayze was in Big Trouble In Little China and you said, “No, that was Kurt Russell?” But they argued, things got heated and eventually a Google search revealed you were right all along? That’s what seeing the so-and-so is now single status feels like. If you’ve ever questioned your decision to roll solo, seeing someone else’s relationship bite the dust as the two deal with meltdowns and back and forth drama stimulates that hell-yeah-I’m-right feeling.
7. Going Out After Going Out
The pregame drinking wasn’t enough. The bar didn’t suffice. The hour and a half of spirited dancing in a muggy, musty club didn’t sweat all of the energy out of you either. Let the raging continue! Your couple friends are dying to go home. In fact they’re probably only out because you beat ‘em in a game of rock-paper-scissors or offered to buy their drinks. Look, when all you have to go home to are social networks and a body pillow, you encourage the party to continue past the 2 A.M. trip to iHop and beyond sunrise.
8. Coffee Shops
A dimly lit, calm place to get work done and sip coffee. Hmm, sounds logical to go there. For anyone that says why not just do it at home, there are three specific reasons:
- The quality taste of a barista’s java reigns supreme over your homemade stuff.
- Starbucks takes way better care of their bathrooms than you do.
- There’s no chance of an attractive person coming in your home and making eyes at you from a table across the way. Speaking of which…
9. Double Takes And Random Compliments
If someone glances over at you, looks away, then their brain registers what it saw and found it appealing enough that it instructs the eyes to immediately goes in for seconds – that’s a pretty flattering feeling. That and unexpectedly receiving kind words from a stranger are the perfect little ego strokes to boost confidence higher than it already may have been.
10. How I Met Your Mother
As a single person this show resonates because you’re currently living out your Ted Mosby story. You may have met your future companion — you might not have – who knows? That’s the beauty of life. You might be in season one of your How I Met story, or you might be nearing the series finale and completely unaware.
11. Not Shaving
Unless you’re expecting somebody to see or touch a certain area, there’s absolutely no reason to maintain its conditions. Razor burn from over-shaving is simply unheard of in the single person’s world. Have you seen a middle school baseball field? When summer hits it’s got knee high greenery that resembles Where The Wild Things Are. Sure, they may water it from time to time so it doesn’t die, but there’s no groundskeeper slicing and dicing at grass until school is back in session.
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