August 27, 2012

What Happens When You Want Someone You Can’t Have

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The Time Spent With The One You Want Is Terrible (Even If It’s Amazing)

A highly sought after, far too rare opportunity to spend time with the one you want comes – so you can’t pass it up. Well technically you could, but you won’t. You hang out so infrequently, that you’re used to impromptu invites and making spontaneous trips to talk or hang with her/him. There’s an unfortunate set of circumstances that make it virtually impossible to have concrete, calendar-marked plans with this person, so you’ve got to take what you can get. When you’re starving for their time and attention, this is an opportunity for sustenance. The scraps and crumbs of their busy schedule will serve as nourishment. Very little, but that’s better than nothing… right?

The issue that arises from this scenario depends upon how enjoyable the brief time together was. If it went terribly wrong, you’ll desperately want another opportunity to fix that and make it as awesome as you imagined it being. However, if it was mind-blowingly delightful, things are no less complex. Now you’ll be craving more days like that one, wondering when the next occasion for face time will be. The degree of emotional strain felt from this catch-22 varies – but it certainly will make its presence felt.

You Question Yourself

As clocks tick, days pass and time continues moving you’ll be left with several moments to think about this person you want so bad. In this social network heavy world, ‘out of sight, out of mind’ is a fairly difficult strategy to enforce, resulting in plenty of opportunities to find out how their day is going. Just a heads up – it’ll be going great. They’ll be in good spirits, and the statuses, comments from friends and mobile upload photos will reflect their indisputable glee. Once you’ve seen that a lack of your presence has had no effect on their mood, you’ll feel dejected. It’ll seem tragically unfair that you’re thinking about them habitually, but they’re gliding through their you-free life so carefree and happily.

Even the biggest egos can shrink – nobody wants to be a nonfactor. You’ll wonder what is wrong with you. Is my jawline not square enough? Did I laugh too hard when he/she told me about his/her childhood pet’s hilariously tragic death? Did I wear the wrong pants? I bet if I wore my other pants, he’d/she’d be here with me right this second. The ‘what if’ game will be played, insecurities will rise and you’ll be convinced that you’re not enough – but uncertain as to why.

You’ll Be Slightly Delusional

When more time is spent talking to that person, you’ll feel as if there’s a mutual connection. In your mind, you both know that you can’t be together – but it’s what you both want in the future. He/she wants to break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend, move across the country, quit their job – do whatever it takes to be with you. But that’s only in your mind. One day you’ll see that their relationship is doing great, they’re completely in love with where they live, or they just got promoted and you’ll wonder if they even considered you or your opinions at any point. Of course they didn’t, because this fantasy relationship that you generated in your mind was just that – a figment of your imagination.

Unjustifiable Bitterness And Feelings Of Foolishness/Embarrassment

You know you have no right to, but you’ll resent that person. You’ll blame them for breaking the silent, fiction, mutual connection – and maybe they really did lead you on to some extent – but ultimately you knew of their unavailability in advance, and chose not to keep your distance.  You’ll probably feel unwise because you have no basis for your grudge, and humiliated because you literally created a link between you two in your mind – and that sounds rather crazy. You’ll beat yourself up about it, and those bruises will undoubtedly be more painful than the initial one he/she left.

I wish there were a specific feeling protective, meltdown preventive method I could provide folks with. Some witty, deep meaning, eloquent motto to live by — unfortunately I’m doubtful that one even exists. If there’s a person out there who you have feelings for, yet they’re unattainable — whether it be because of a boyfriend, girlfriend, distance, responsibility, restraining order (hopefully not), etc. – you’ll cope in your own unique way. You’ll get cut, it’ll hurt, the wounds will heal and you’ll survive. Be careful with these things though – often while you’re consumed by the thought of this inaccessible person who you want so desperately, there’s someone feeling the exact same way about youTC Mark

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