May 2, 2014

15 Misunderstandings That Bisexual Men Have To Deal With

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What is the issue?

1. Male bisexuality doesn’t exist. 

The biggest misunderstanding about bisexuality is that it’s a precursor to either coming out as gay or it’s a “phase.” In other words, that it doesn’t exist. But it’s right there, alongside straight and gay and wherever else you could possibly fall on the spectrum. It’s as natural as anything else. 

2. Bisexual men are just in-the-closet gay men. 

Just because a guy claims that he is bisexual does not mean that he is in denial about being gay. That is presumptuous of people to assume that just because a guy claims he is bisexual that he is going to eventually come out as gay. Some guys might “test the waters” by admitting their bisexual before they are gay, but that absolutely does not invalidate that there are men who are bisexual and that’s all there is to it. 

3. They’re just promiscuous and that label is an excuse for it. 

This is one of the most offensive misunderstandings about bisexual men. Bisexual men are not just trying to sleep with as many people as possible. People should remember correlation is not causation!

4. They have more diseases than other sexually active people. 

It’s rather harsh of some people to assume that just because a guy is bisexual that he is automatically doomed to get AIDS/other STDs. You cannot assume that because a man is bisexual that is more sexually active than anybody else, or more unsafe than anybody else. Safe sex can be practiced regardless of gender. 

5. They’re just indecisive — they want to have their cake and eat it too. 

The expression might be corny, but it definitely applies to this scenario. Bisexuality is not code for someone trying to “have everything.” For some guys, love is not mutually exclusive with gender. Regardless of an individual’s sexuality, the person that someone falls in love with is much more important than what they identify as, and that identification may change as they become aware of what they’re attracted to. 

6. They’re greedy. 

A guy is not selfish if he is bisexual. There is nothing wrong for a guy to be into males and females. The idea that just because a guy could swing either way means that there will be no one left for everyone else to date is laughable. The entire dating world isn’t going to come crashing because of bisexuality. 

7. They take away support. 

Male bisexuality does not detract from male “gayness.” Both are two equally important issues and should be addressed together as being on the spectrum and separately as being separate identifications all at the same time. 

8. They’re just more… complicated. 

There is false perception that if a guy is bisexual, he will be making his life more complicated. That they are more complicated. It’s not about them, though, it’s about the people who don’t understand their sexual identification so it’s complicated to them. 

9. They’ll never be happy because they don’t “fit in anywhere.” 

Your life and lifestyle does not have to reflect your sexuality.

10. Women can be bisexual though. 

This has got to be one of the most absurd ideas ever. Bisexuality is not just for women. While bisexual females might still struggle with their sexuality, there has been a softening in attitudes about the idea of a woman hooking up/experimenting with another woman. The same cannot be said for guys. And that leads me to my next point…

11. Casual girl-on-girl is “hot,” but the same does not apply to men, especially out at a party or whatever. 

The idea might be offensive, but it holds truth. Some people find the idea of girl on girl hot. But even if girl on girl might be considered hot, that should not delegitimize guy and guy. And while there might be more a shock value for guy on guy because of the “mechanics” of the sex, having girl on girl be okay because of some sexual fantasy is not okay. Love is still love.

12.  They’re underrepresented (not a misunderstanding as much as it is just a frustrating struggle). 

Just because there might be gay storylines that involve men on television like with Teddy on 90210 and super couple Will and Sonny on Days of Our Lives, does mean that guy on guy is fully addressed. It is not about pushing an agenda though. Male bisexuality is an aspect of life and deserves to be addressed more in pop culture. In fact, the ABC show Revenge is the only show with a regular plot about male bisexuality. 

13. They’re weird. 

If a guy is bisexual, that does not make him weird. It just makes him different. Different is not always a bad thing. It isn’t even about pushing the idea about sexual diversity.  Differentially only adds to the discussion. That does not mean that it is the end all be all. 

14. They are “lesser men.” 

The concept might sound obvious, but it really isn’t as apparent as one might think. This idea exists in the subtext. A guy being bisexual does not make him any less of a man. It just means that he is open-minded and in tune with his wants and desires. To me, that makes him more of not just a man, but a person. 

15. It’s gross. Women rarely consider dating bisexual men. 

The last misunderstanding about bisexuality definitely stings. Just because a guy fancies men (along with women) does not mean that a female should be turned off by it. Yes! Some people might be in denial about being gay, but that “concern” should not be forced onto all bisexual guys. A woman should still be able to date a bisexual guy because bisexuality should not be synonymous with being unlovable. After all, more people have probably had romantic/sexual thoughts about a person of the same gender then they would care to admit.  TC Mark

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