Thought Catalog
June 10, 2016

Ranking The Men On This Season Of ‘The Bachelorette’ By How Much Of A Fuckboy They Are

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Hi Everyone! I hope you’re recovering from the excitement of a two night Bachelorette phenomenon. Not really sure why this #ChadDramz warranted two nights, especially when the most dramatic part appears to be him showing up at the chalet where Jojo and Alex are getting cozy in front of a fire, and that part is being aired next week. Maybe they wanted to draw attention away from featuring mega-fuckboy and probable rapist Ben Roethlisberger amid all the Brock Turner outrage.

This week I decided to rank the boy from least to most fuckboy-ish. Enjoy!


our fallen amigos


Ali

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Ali might be a slight fuckboy because he’s a 30-year-old bartender, but from what we’ve seen he has a decent personality (and his eyebrows are perfect, basically).

Christian

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Christian is a fuckboy. Christian lives in a grown-up frat house with his brothers. This is not a person who is ready to be Mr. Fletcher.

Nick

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Nick is a fuckboy. He showed up in a Santa Claus outfit for their first date, making a weird joke out of something Jojo is taking really seriously — using the show to find real love.

Chad

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

My biggest regret about Chad going home this week is that I can’t rank him at the very bottom of the overall fuckboy ranking because he’s already out of the running. I feel kind of bad for him, he just lost his mom and is clearly right in the middle of some kind of angry nervous breakdown, but hopefully seeing himself on TV will lead to him getting help — and not further into his weird denial that everyone who isn’t as shitty as he is is “fake”.

BTW was this low key terrifying for anyone else ????

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

The Future Mr. Jojo Fletcher ???


Alex

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Alex is not a fuckboy. Alex is good to a fault, you can tell that. He’s probably too self-righteous, he’s probably too hard on himself (and other people). He probably has a lot of faults, but being a fuckboy isn’t one of them.

Derek

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Derek is not a fuckboy. He moves rooms instead of being around Chad — which is the right thing to do — and then addresses conflict with him like a rational, non-violent person not a victim of their swinging emotions, totally opposite of Chad.

Grant

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Grant is not a fuckboy. Grant is a firefighter and he saves people’s lives, okay??? Get with the program.

Not really sure about these faux-artfully ripped jeans tho:

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

James Taylor

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

James Taylor is not a fuckboy even if going by “James Taylor” while trying to become a singer-songwriter is a total fuckboy move. He’s a dork, and he owns his dorkiness which is totally cute and makes him somehow actually sexy. And… the way he dealt with getting cut up on the football field was really hot.

Chase

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Chase doesn’t seem like a fuckboy. He seems down to earth and like he hasn’t let his (v v hot) looks corrupt him too much.

Luke

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Luke doesn’t seem like a fuckboy. He seems like he’s mature because he’s had a lot of hard experience in life, and a lot has been expected of him. Those are good qualities in a partner.

Wells

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

It remains to be seen how much of a fuckboy Wells is. He’s not automatically *not* a fuckboy just because he’s not a meathead, but they haven’t show his personality enough to make sure he’s not a “nice guy” fuckboy.

James F

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

James F might be a fuckboy. We don’t know too much about him. He owns a boxing gym, but not every meathead is a fuckboy. We’ll wait and see.

Robby

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Robby might be a fuckboy. From previews it looks like he has a girlfriend back home or some kind of shady situation where he dumped her out of the blue to go on the show.

Vinny

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Vinny is a fuckboy. No one really knows why Vinny is still around. If he was a woman, people would assume he slept with a producer for his weird continual presence on the show.

Jordan

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Jordan is kind of a fuckboy. I get it, he’s super hot and his brother is even hotter and I’m cheering for him and I really want Jojo to become sister-in-law with Olivia Munn too — but, let’s be real: he’s a golden boy who is used to getting his way. This is not a recipe for relationship success. I guess he big time cheated on his last gf. As much as I love him and want to cheer for him, he also seems like the kind of guy that isn’t that great behind closed doors.

Evan

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The Bachelor
The Bachelor

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Evan is a major fuckboy. I definitely think Chad was more in the wrong than Evan in their interactions, but Chad wasn’t wrong about Evan pushing him. Instead of like, focusing on Jojo or getting a hobby or something Evan weirdly obsessed about Chad and provoked him when he should have just focused on being the better person. Also his lewk is 100% fucccboi.

Daniel

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Daniel is deeeeeefffffinnnnetly a fuckboy. Daniel was raise by two fuckboys and now is such a potent fuckboy that scientists are studying his genes. Daniel is peak fuckboy and every person he stands next to is less fuckboy in comparison.


Burning questions for next week’s show


What will come of Chad’s (literally insane) visit to the Bachelorette chalet???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Why is Jojo crying so much???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

What will happen when Chad starts pushing Jordan around???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

What makes Vinny crai???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Who locks themselves in this bathroom???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

What’s up with Jordan consoling Jojo in the hallway???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

See you in two (šŸ˜­) weeks! TC mark

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