10 Things INFPs Want From The Person They’re Dating

1. Meaning

INFPs are meaning-driven people. Everything in their life has a purpose or is helping them find a purpose — dating is no different. We want our partners to be deep people who will give us a sense of satisfaction in life. We want to feel like together, we are living a meaningful life.

Be careful about dating an INFP if you are a person who loves doing things for show, competing with people, or getting/doing the “best” things for the sake of it. We’re best for people who love to look at the big picture and try to find a way to do something that feels meaningful every day.

2. Space

INFPs are introverts — this means they recharge their batteries by having quality time alone with themselves. It doesn’t mean they’re sick of you or that they don’t love hanging out with you and doing thing together, it’s just like how every human needs to sleep at night, INFPs need to take space every so often to keep functioning.

3. To be able to be our overly emotional selves

INFPs are emotional people. It’s who we are.

We are sensitive and moody and we do the best we can to be reasonable about it, but we’re never going to be chill and breezy 100% of the time. All we want is assurance that this is okay, that we can be ourselves with you and you accept that we are deeply emotional people.

4. Someone who doesn’t think romance is cheesy

There’s a scene in Sex and the City where Carrie Bradshaw’s boyfriend of the moment plays piano and reads poetry to her and she and all her friends cringe at how corny it is. Except, actual people love playing piano and reading poetry out loud to their love. There is honestly nothing better than this. Sometimes I light 20 candles and lie in the bath and read — it’s just who I am. And I want someone who doesn’t think this is a cheesy Hollywood attempt at romance. They embrace it too.

5. Handling conflict with kid gloves

INFPs want nothing more than to be happy and make their partners happy. We want harmony. We want everyone to win. This makes the unavoidable conflict of being in a relationship difficult because it hurts us not only to be hurt but also to see our partners hurt (and know that we are the culprits).

Yes, in relationships we should have fights, but we should use them to grow and improve. We need partners who will remain calm and not say things in anger that will be difficult for us to forget after the fight is over. Work towards resolving the conflict, not lashing out in anger or hurting the other person because it feels better momentarily.

6. Physical touch

INFPs love touching and being touched. Holding hands when walking down the street, giving long back rubs at the end of a long week, cuddling on the couch while watching a movie — we love all of it. We need a partner who enjoys giving and receiving touch as well.

7. Being our better half in social settings

INFPs are not naturally social butterflies. We prefer quiet, meaningful get-togethers to big, loud parties. That doesn’t mean the latter can’t be fun once in awhile, we just need to warm up to them first. A perfect partner for an INFP can facilitated this by balancing our social skills with theirs. Introduce us to people and get the conversation going — we’ll take it from there!

8. Curiosity

Like Christopher Robin, INFPs are people who never grow out of childlike wonder. We love learning and thinking about the world around us. We love people who indulge in this, who want to fall asleep talking about what we think the stars are supposed to be for or why it feels good to scratch an itch. Other people might think this is pointless or even time-wasting, but it’s fun, interesting, and even relaxing. It’s what humans have done since the beginning of time — asking questions that have no knowable answers.

9. To be comfortable

And I don’t just mean emotionally. INFPs love to be cozy. You can always identify one because they have the most comfortable beds of anyone you know. They need a place that’s comfortable to stay up reading all night, or cuddling with their SO. INFPs also tend to be able to cook or bake very well, we like to satisfy all our human urges in the best way possible. You can participate in this by allowing us to spend a few minutes making the living room “ready” for a casual night in — candles, extra pillows, fancy drinks and snacks. Indulge us — you’ll get to reap the benefits.

10. To love and be loved

The closest to reality I’ve ever gotten to the meaning of question is the Ray Carver poem Late Fragment, “And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so? I did. And what did you want? To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth.” INFPs love love. They love being loved and they love making others feel loved. We don’t have time for people who can’t access their emotions or who are afraid to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is all there is.