Trim your nails.
Foreplay. It’s important.
If you’re going to pull her hair… Pull it from close to the scalp. If you pull it from the end… Apparently it hurts. Or so I’ve been informed.
When hooking up with girls with hair extensions (sista, I’m looking at your fine sexy ass)…
DO NOT TOUCH THE HAIR.
She will straight fuck your shit up. You have been warned.
Have fun in there. Be vocal and lively. Most people don’t like sex with a lifeless body.
The real key to the whole experience is enthusiasm. I horny 5 is way more exciting than a bored 10.
30 minutes of begging is not considered foreplay.
Never, ever criticize somebody’s body. Everybody is different and a lot of people are, or can become, self-conscious. Even a “hmmm”, as in “that’s different”, will be picked up and perhaps obsessively thought about by people who are sensitive.
This is really one of the worst things you can do to somebody.
Compliment the lovely things. Don’t draw attention to something that isn’t, or say something that could be misconstrued. Sex is supposed to be fun, not something that causes fret and self-doubt.
Don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong, show me what to do right.
Never change lanes without signaling.
Don’t call your dick a weiner or pee pee.
watch the teeth.
Change the condom when you change hole.
If you can find it, NEVER flick the clitoris.
When taking out anal beads, do it slowly; definitely not like you are starting a lawn mower
don’t expect your partner to read your mind… if you want them to do something or change their technique or area they’re stimulating, you need to tell them. If it hurts, you need to tell them. If you’re bored/not enjoying it, tell them what they can do to make it pleasurable
Don’t cum on the hair.
Once, my ex made me laugh hysterically while I had a mouth full of cum. it made an appearance out my nose.
Make sure every thing is nice and clean down there. This goes for both genders.
Never shit on someone unless they ask you to.
In my book the most important unwritten rule is:
If you have to pressure someone (whether you’ve been with them a long time or just met them) or cajole them into having sex they will want to do it less and less.
DON’T GO ASS TO VAG! DON’T DO IT! DON’T! I’m talking fingers, mouth, peepees, dildos, toilet paper – whatevs. Just don’t do it! Go up but don’t you dare think about coming back down.
High five when you’re done
If it’s your first time, go down first, because you’re probably not going to last long.
When you have to be quiet and you want background noise to disguise the sounds, don’t pick something funny. Girls don’t like it when you start laughing at a joke on Archer…
Post sex cuddling.
Good sex can pretty much be summed up in two words: Communicate and adapt.
If you’re a woman and you’re not really enjoying that certain position or the sex in general…. Just say something. It won’t ruin the moment. It will make it better. Sooo communicate is where I’m going with this.
Tl;dr good sex=communication
Humour! If I’m with a guy and he’s too serious about it, it’s a turn off.
Anal sex: “Some women like it.” =/= “ALL women like it.”
Just because s/he hasn’t said no, doesn’t mean s/he said yes.
Put a towel down. Sleeping in the wet spot isn’t fun.
If your at a party, lock the door.
If you hear her vagina make a fart noise, you act like you didn’t hear a damn thing.
Nothing your partner suggests is is to be called weird.
You must make sure she is wet before you throw it in.
Don’t fucking spit on me. If you want to use spit, put it on your hand/dick, don’t just freaking ease down a long-ass loogie on my conch. Thank you.
If one person climaxes, both shall climax. Or at least putting in effort to get both people off. Selfishness is not cool.
Girls who like doggy, wipe your butthole well, wet tissues please.
I’ll throw in the obligatory “Don’t stick your dick into crazy” rule.
Do NOT under any circumstances, EVER say “Sorry” for anything. Instant mood killer.
Don’t push her head down onto your cock too hard during oral. This will put her off doing it again. sigh …
Treat their body as if it’s a piece of art. Before, during, and after. Make them feel beautiful with everything you do. This applies to making love and hate fucking, boys.
Foreplay. Bare minimum, 15 minutes.
Should be obvious but… USE A CONDOM (and some water based lube).
Guy or girl, keep a supply on hand
When you’re doing the deed and finish but want another round, go down on her [or him, whatever you’re into] until it stands back up and continue.
Some men like being called daddy. Very few women like to be called mommy.
Do not drool on your partner, accidentally or otherwise, no matter how much you’re enjoying it.
It’s just not gentlemanly.
There will be… aromas. Suck it up and deal with it.