August 30, 2013

How To Be A Slut

Report This Article
What is the issue?
Body confidence = slut. Shutterstock
Body confidence = slut. Shutterstock

Be a woman

This is very important.

Be moderately unattractive to men

This doesn’t have to be a physical thing, you can be physically extremely sexy but so sexy that a man no longer thinks of you as “wife” or “girlfriend” material. You could also be unattractive and not be up the the “standard” the guy “envisions” himself settling down with, so he’s attracted to you and will hook up on you but in the sober light of day he’s setting boundaries. This step is important because if you don’t accomplish the task of being unattractive to men you’ll probably be a serial monogamist because guys you are attracted to will always be attracted to you and it’s hard (but not impossible, see below) to be a slut while you’re in a relationship.

Do not consider the opinions of others while dressing

Wear what feels comfortable. Place your large boobs inside a scoopneck that allow them to breathe and not get all boob sweat-y underneath a crew neck. Wear short shorts when you run, if that is what makes you feel comfortable. Fail to consider whether this will make it difficult for others to view you as a person rather than a sex object.

Do not remain an infant for eternity

In order to not be a slut, you should never become a grown up. You should exist in childlike innocence forever, never learning things or maturing. If however, the natural thing occurs in your life and you realize that you are not your virginity– that you are a human animal and you aren’t obligated to take on the religious guilt your parents had about that reality–well you are headed to Slut Central, USA.

Have sex

You don’t actually have to sleep around in order to be a slut–you just have to have sex with someone that another person isn’t happy about (probably because it’s with someone besides themselves). Refuse their advances in accordance with your preferences. Continue to be sexually active with another individual.

Enjoy non-missionary sexual positions

Non-sluts (prudes) only let their boyfriend fuck them, they never, ever do the fucking. In order to be a slut you need to have a positive attitude about sex, not view it as a chore and have an opinion about blow jobs that isn’t “gross.”

Live your life as if the opinions of men are second to your own opinions

How dare you? TC mark

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 72,465 other followers