July 29, 2013

7 Reasons I Know I’m A “Millennial”

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What is the issue?
I’d first like to state that I absolutely detest that word, “millennial.” It makes me feel like an alien who has formed inside a jar and subsequently fallen out of a UFO to inhabit this here Earth. But alas, I digress, and will continue to explain my meanderings as an unwilling member of the gen-y society:

1. I am searchable on all or most social media platforms. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Vine, LinkedIn, Pinterest, THIS THING, and so on and so forth. If you are not in the social media sphere, you do not exist. I don’t care about your diligent media refusal, you’re going against what is now deemed natural. My attention span is shot to shit, and asynchronous activity should just be illegal because I need instant gratification yesterday. Not only that, my likes need to be incessantly greater than yours, because otherwise I’m doing something wrong. But please don’t misinterpret me. I am a libra with a gemini rising sign and therefore already am unbalanced with two personalities, but my online persona and real persona have a wide pool between them. We are so polluted by this accessibility that social media has afforded us. All she sees are dollar $igns, she got a new Céline bag, he woke up in a new Bugatti drinking Dom Pérignon. Who cares? In the grand scheme of your life, your “baller” appearance may get you past the velvet ropes of Provocateur, but it will not keep you warm at night. Unless, you hire someone for that.

2. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do when I “grow up.” We are in the final stages of university-hood, graduation is nearing, and anxiety is peaking at an all time high. Doctor? Fuck medical school. Lawyer? Whats the point if I don’t go to a top 10. Teacher? In this economy? Yeah right. Financial Analyst? So I can be sucking up to people I hate who will probably try and get me fired anyway? Which brings me to my next point.

3. I make excuses for EVERYTHING. Us, millennials, as we’ve been labeled, and especially according to Urban Dictionary, are lazy, whiney, entitled (for no reason), and just unwilling to accept the fact that one day (probably now) we will be forced to be fully functioning adults with responsibilities, duties, and limited free time. See generation y for further details.

4. I have a closet full of clothes, and nothing to wear. Why would I wear this dress, I just wore it last week? Materialism and consumerism is credited as one of the most severe downfalls of this millennial generation. We have the best, and it’s not good enough. Why be thankful for what you have, when you can just have more? is what’s running through the brains of these 20-somethings, and myself will not be excluded, and driving these unrealistic expectations that cause magnified entitlement.

5. I will forever long for a relationship like Cory and Topanga’s. For some reason or another, people are not dating. By dating, I’m referring to the exclusivity that comes with entering into an I’ll be ok if you leave the door open while you pee relationship. They’re just not doing it. There’s something bigger and better out there and we’ll spend the rest of our lives looking for it. Why? There is no correct or logical explanation for that. The institution of marriage has become so taboo, “I’m not getting married tiI I’m 35.” Well, good luck with that.

6. I’ve entertained, and legitimately considered, having pre-marital children. If the Kardashian’s are doing it, it must be okay, right? Jokes, but really. Maybe there is a method to their madness. The generations before us have concluded that man+woman+wedding=baby+happiness. What if that equation is, not wrong, but evolving, and more along the lines of man+woman+respectable relationship=baby+happiness? Is it really that crazy? We look at Kourtney and Scott, and yes they are god awful examples as we all know the Kardashians are the Kings of fabrication and image, and they seem to be doing just alright. Friends With Kids. Jennifer Westfeldt and Adam Scott had their son, they were happy. Til they weren’t. Til they were, and then ended up together (SPOILER ALERT). But thats besides the point. Why do we need marriage to have kids? The point of man and woman IS to procreate, why must we do that with the obligations and expectations (scary ones) that a civilized marriage holds? If you can make it work, thats really awesome. If you can’t make it work, thats honestly ok too.

7. There is an inherent hopelessness that clouds my judgement and the visions I have for myself. If you keep telling a duck that it is a chicken, eventually, the duck will start to believe you. Articles upon articles have explained to us that it sucks to be a millennial, from an “economic” standpoint but apparently from a personal one as well (see 1, 5, and 6 above). We envy our parents for the way they ultimately fulfilled their American dream and have the expectation that they will support ours. Smooth seas never made a skilled sailor, and lazy entitlement did not get your parents their shiny Audi’s. TC mark

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image – Ángelo González
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