Once you get past the initial stages of grief, it seems to come in waves.
Your bad days may not come as frequently. You are able to find the beauty in life again. There are times you may actually start to feel happy. But there are a few days when all of this changes. There are a few days a year when no matter how good things have been, maybe just for the day, you take a million steps back.
Days that I once loved more than anything are days that I now dread with everything in me. No matter how many of these days go by, they don’t seem to get much easier. It’s those days each year that throw in your face your new reality. You notice the absence of this person. They aren’t there. Their seat is empty. The traditions you participated in with them no longer exist. It is a pain you could never try to explain to someone who hasn’t been through it.
Be with the people you love.
As much as you wanna curl up in a ball, cry, be sad and grieve your heart out- it’s not doing anything besides hurting you. Be around your loved ones. Stay busy, stay distracted. Allow yourself to laugh, to smile, even if it’s just for a second. Do this even on a day that it seems impossible. Even in your saddest moments during this day, it is much better to be surrounded by others than to be all alone.
Don’t fight the sadness.
It is okay to be sad. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to grieve. No matter how much time has passed since you lost this person, a huge piece of your life is gone. A person you loved unconditionally has been taken away from you. They aren’t here. This reality is awful. It sucks, it’s scary and it is so sad. It’s okay to feel this pain. It’s okay to let your loved ones know you are feeling this pain too. Be as sad as you need to be. They will understand.
Cherish the memories.
For whatever amount of time you got with your loved one- it was still amazing, beautiful, cherished, time you spent together. You have all of these great memories between you and the person you loved so much. Remember those. Remember those and smile. Remember those and laugh. Remember those and feel an array of emotions as you feel them close to your heart.
Remind the people around you that you love them.
Unfortunately, our experiences have shown us how short life really is. We have had the ground ripped from under us when we lost this person we loved so deeply. Don’t go a special day like this without reminding the people in your life how cherished and loved that they are.
Make new memories.
As hard as it is to create new memories and new traditions without your loved one present, it is so important. It is so important to keep moving forward. Would your loved one want your holidays to be ruined forever? If they are truly watching over us, wouldn’t they want us to be happy? Wouldn’t they want us to try our best to continue living? So live this life for them. Celebrate these holidays for them. Do it for them.
The pain we have experienced is unbearable. The void we now have will never be filled. These days may never get easier, but we have it in us to find a way to make peace in this day and celebrate for both ourself and our loved one that we lost.