Are you familiar with that first 5 seconds after just waking up when you feel like nothing’s wrong?
I get up every day and check my phone. I start composing a good morning message when reality sinks in.
You’re not there anymore.
I turn over and try to go back to sleep, desperate to wish that this was all a dream. But how can this be a dream when it hurts this much?
Losing you hurt as bad as tearing my own heart out.
When you said your goodbyes, I felt the pain slice through me. I stopped breathing for a second and I could swear that my heart had stopped beating.
Losing you made me feel empty
I used to be the happy, cheerful, energetic person who people often joke around with. I was that girl in class who made friends with everyone and always tried to find the light in the dark. But when you left, I just felt empty.
I didn’t want to get up from bed. I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to exist.
You were the person I wanted to talk to whenever something happened. You were the one person who I thought would have my back no matter what because you did. You were there for me. You made me smile. You made my heart beat again.
Losing you made me scared
I’m afraid that someone else is making you smile. I’m scared that someone else is kissing your lips. But most of all, I’m absolutely terrified that someone else has your heart now.
Losing you meant losing my person
It’s bad enough that I lost the person I was in love with. But god damn it, you were also my best friend! You were supposed to be the one who put me back together when everything else went wrong. You were the only one who could make me feel good again.
You said that you would keep me strong when things go wrong. So why did you just leave?
Losing you made me lose myself
I lost my mind for what seemed like days, months and probably even years. I was a shadow.
I barely existed. I just drifted day by day hoping you would come back. I was waiting, you see. I was waiting until you finally realized it was me all along. That I was the one who was meant for you. I was waiting and hoping that you would come back.
I listen to music which reminds me of you.
I re-watch movies we watched together.
I go to our favourite café and sit there all day just hoping you would pass by.
I would spray your perfume on my pillow and hug it at night, pretending it was you.
I didn’t want to forget. I refuse to forget the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I blamed myself every day for losing you. Maybe I could’ve done something more. Maybe if I hadn’t become too overbearing. But what more could I do? I held on as best as I could. I gave my all. I did everything I felt was right. I was so scared to lose you that I lost you anyway.
But I haven’t lost hope. I haven’t given up. I refuse to believe that the love that we had is not worth fighting for.
Yes, it hurts. It hurts like hell that the one person I’m fighting for isn’t fighting for me too.
But, I’m still here.
I’m still hoping to be with you.
I’m still in love with you.
Finally, Losing you… Broke me
It shattered me into these tiny sub-atomic particles that I don’t even know how to start putting myself back together.
So yes, you broke me.
You destroyed me.
Losing you meant that I lost me.