February 25, 2014

13 Insane Junk Foods You Can’t Get In America

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What is the issue?

1. Aero Bar

trekkyandy
trekkyandy

If there is on thing we did not win in the American Revolution, it was being part of the country that produces Aero Bars. They are amongst the most delicious candy bars (here we can see the mint version, the indisputable best flavor). They’re light and crisp yet still somehow incredibly soft. Those bubbles are magical, and we should all order some online.

2. Clam Chowder Doritos

kallreboo
kallreboo

This treasure comes from Japan, also known as the Land of Experimental Doritos Flavors.

3. Mega Mac

Allegro
Allegro

This burger, with four beef patties and standing about twice as tall as a regular Big Mac, is available in several countries — from Australia to Pakistan to South Korea — but somehow we can’t get it in America.

4. Salmiakki

reetta
reetta

While you can technically purchase these chewy candies in the States, it’s limited mostly to novelty stores and specialty Swedish shops because it is utterly inedible to the untrained palate. I had some around Christmas last year and the only flavor profile I can compare it to is “black licorice that’s been soaking in chlorine for about two days.” It’s good for pranking friends, though!

5. The Burger King ‘Hot Blondie’

Burger King
Burger King

Aside from the name, which is obviously ridiculous, this dessert is truly baffling in its American unavailability. It’s a vanilla sponge cake filled with molten hot white chocolate and topped with whipped cream — this is the kind of thing we all would be ordering, no?

6. Ebi Filet-O

misswangy
misswangy

This McDonald’s creation appears to be essentially a fish-based McChicken with little shrimps lodged in it. It’s currently available in Japan and Singapore, and it seems unlikely that it will be coming to America any time soon.

7. Curly Balls

trickyech
trickyech

This French snack food — here we can see it in its “hot” flavor — is more or less a super crunchy peanut-flavored Cheeto (a common thing, actually), shaped like a ball and filled with peanut butter. I’m not sure why peanut butter is such a popular chip flavor in France, but there you go.

Fun fact: They were giving these away as little “sustenance packages” at a concert I attended in August and I ate approximately two hundred of these, to the point that it nearly ruined peanut butter for me forever.

8. Kit Kat Pops

YouTube
YouTube

Whyyyyyy, Pizza Hut Middle East, why are we not allowed to have thissssss? (FYI: It’s Kit Kats rolled into dough and deep fried, then dusted with cinnamon and sugar.)

9. Kanikko

YouTube
YouTube

This Japanese snack is just a bag of tiny little crabs — shells, eyes, guts and all — that you just eat like chips. Apparently it’s very good with beer, but I’ll leave that to you to decide.

10. Green Tea Kit Kats

kalvin1974
kalvin1974

Yes, there are arguably much stranger flavors of Kit Kat available in Japan, such as baked potato (??), but green tea is the most enviable. Why don’t we have this??

11. Hardfiskur

wikimedia
wikimedia

This Icelandic treat, beloved and apparently represented by a charming cartoon fish, is essentially dried up haddock jerky. I welcome you to try some, though I might not be participating.

12. The Cheeseburger Stuffed Crust Pizza

YouTube
YouTube

This treat, currently available in the Middle East and the UK, is a good demonstration of the fact that America does not always have the market cornered on gratuitous fast foods.

13. The McBaguette

YouTube
YouTube

Lol, ok, France. Ok. TC mark

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