7 Life Makeovers You Need Right Now
1. The kitchen makeover.
We all get into ruts. We have habits that are just easy to succumb to. And whether that is eating nothing but hummus because it’s both easy and mostly-healthy, or having boxes upon boxes of Oreos that magically disappear before your roommates get a chance to touch them, there are things that are worth changing. It would be a pretty cool move for all of us to take stock of exactly what we’re eating every day and what kind of money we’re spending on food (considering that, for most of us, it’s our biggest day-to-day expenditure). You may just realize that you’ve been buying two bags of pasta too many per month, or have completely neglected juice for the past few months. The things you can discover when you take a moment to write them down are endless.
2. The friend group makeover.
Sometimes you grow out of people. And if you are overwhelmed with the same feeling of “Ugh, why are these people still talking about this tedious shit?” every time you sit down at the same bar with your same group of friends, it may be time to freshen up. It’s not a bad thing to have to trim down contact with certain people — or broaden your social horizons — but we are often convinced that if we feel the need to change things, there is something ultimately wrong with us. Obviously, if you are changing hangouts every two weeks out of a need to avoid people you once called friends, there is an issue. But if you just need to see some new faces (that aren’t 50 percent people you’ve already slept with) once in a while, that’s probably a pretty healthy move.
3. The makeup makeover.
Did you know that you need to be regularly cleaning your makeup brushes with alcohol? Did you know that you can wear different colors in different seasons to accentuate various undertones in your skins? Did you know that undertones are a thing, and you have them? Well, a lot of this is news to me. There are a million and one ways to shake up your routine that don’t involve saying to yourself “I am ugly and unworthy and need to be changed fundamentally.” Sometimes you can just wash your brushes and feel better about yourself immediately. (Also, cut your hair. It’s not makeup but it is about your appearance. You walk out of that place with your hair doing that amazing swish-swish thing that it never does when your in control of it. For that moment, everything is perfect.)
4. The cleaning makeover.
Admit it, there is still at least a part of you that will leave clean, unfolded laundry on your couch/the end of your bed until it’s basically dirty again. It doesn’t always happen, but it happens enough that you should probably look into a more efficient way to clean when it comes to do so. We all know the feeling of having unexpected guests drop in and being like, “Whoops, sorry, didn’t have time to get this shit together enough to pretend that I was a full human being. Sorry you had to see it in its natural state.” We are doing better, but there is always room for improvement.
5. The room makeover.
You move the bed from the corner of the room over to the window area and it’s like your entire life is different. Everything has changed. You don’t even know who you were back when you had your bed in that corner, but you know you were not living up to your potential. Over here by the window, that’s where the big shit is happening. This is where people have sex with models and become Senators.
6. The reading makeover.
Are you still only reading The Onion and GIFs from The Daily Show when you wake up in the morning and log onto the internet? I know you do. Don’t lie to me — I can see your computer. Maybe try a book or newspaper you don’t usually read? It will hurt a bit at first, but afterward you’ll be so glad you did it. (As with the time you lost your virginity, if we’ll all recall.)
8. The sex makeover.
And speaking of proverbial popped cherries, let’s all have a sex makeover. A sexover if you’ll permit me that terrible portmanteau. We should all have a national day where we dramatically turn to the person we’re currently boning and ask them in all sincerity, “What can I do to make this more awesome for you?” Even if the answer sounds difficult or intimidating, it is always good to try and make yourself better in bed. And better means a good listener. It means someone who’s up to try new things. Above all, though, it means someone who is humble and knows that, no matter how much skill they have accrued, they are never too good for a sexover.
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I wish to God I’d had a list like this when I was 23.
Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.
I remember taking the pen and notebook from that woman outside the courtroom, flipping to a clean page in the book, and writing, JESSICA IS SAD in big, bold, uncoordinated letters. “My sister is going to be a good writer someday! Look at how nice her lines are!”
To begin, I got totally screwed over in the dental genes department. I was born with a pretty severe overbite and a mouth that was too small.