Hey Jennifer Lawrence, Could We Be Best Friends Please?
Hey, girl. How are you? I know you must be really busy right now. It’s awards season, after all, and I know that requires a lot of dressing up in incredibly fancy clothes and answering the same tedious questions over and over while getting your picture taken. I don’t want to take up too much of your time — you have bigger fish to fry, such as getting within a 10-foot radius of Eddie Redmayne and thus making me want to hate you out of pure, unadulterated envy — but I just have a quick question for you. If you’re not busy this weekend, could we like, become best friends forever and hang out for the rest of our lives?
You see, you’re the kind of celebrity I always want to come around but never see. You seem like a genuinely nice person who has a legitimately good background and firm grip on your sanity — as well as a completely endearing appreciation for all the wonderful things you’re getting to do. You seem like what I imagine any of us would be like if we suddenly got incredibly famous. You’re always kind of surprised at what’s going on and giving really candid, semi-embarrassing (but totally amazing) answers to questions in interviews. Sometimes it’s all so endearing that I have to wonder if your persona hasn’t been cultivated by some incredibly cunning PR person to help push The Hunger Games, but I just push out those intrusive thoughts whenever they pop in my head. You have to be real.
It’s just so refreshing to see a female celebrity who seems unconcerned with giving off this perfectly polished, aloof vibe. You make no bones about the fact that you’re not rail-thin and love eating, and that your first concern isn’t being the most beautiful thing wherever you go. I mean, don’t get me wrong — you’re beautiful. You’re just beautiful in a more approachable, realistic way. You’re beautiful in the way a random girl at the grocery store could be beautiful: arresting, sure, but not completely unbelievable. You seem like a real person (unlike, say, Beyonce or Megan Fox, whose beauty is so flawless and intimidating it can only be described as “pointy”). I get the feeling like I could really know you in real life, even if that’s just my silly, fangirly illusion.
And let’s not forget the fact that you can act your reasonable little butt cheeks off. Winter’s Bone, I mean, come on. You were amazing. And even though I feel like The Hunger Games was kind of a lackluster movie overall (sorry not sorry), you were wonderful as always. I can’t wait to see how this story develops, and all of the fantastic post-apocalyptic catsuits they’re going to end up putting you in as things progress. Essentially, you could act in a four-hour infomercial about organic vegenaise and I would buy that shit in triplicate on Blu-Ray. You just make me want to watch things.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is I have a girl crush on you. It’s no big deal or anything, I just oscillate between wanting to make you sing into a seashell so that I can wear it around my neck and steal your perfection, and wanting to spend a day at the beach with you, eating ice cream cones and poking fun at passerby. You just seem awesome, and I want only awesome things to keep happening to you. I hope you’re having a good day, and you know how much we all love you. Keep on being you, J.Law, we need more GIFs of your majesty over on Tumblr!
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I’m sure you’ve seen the YouTube video David After Dentist thousands of times by now, but never like this.
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The subject of this documentary is video games, but DO NOT let that turn you off from watching it.
If you’re looking for something a little more than a time waster, with some substance, there has never been a better time to get a handheld console.