28 Things That Are Better Than Sex
1. When you are standing naked in your bathroom freezing your ass off and you finally step into the hot water and it’s the most glorious, comforting feeling you can imagine and you never, ever want to leave the shower again.
2. Getting a double bacon cheeseburger from Five Guys with all your favorite toppings when you’ve got a couple-beer buzz on and you’re hungrier than you’ve been in recent memory.
3. When the perfect song comes on your shuffle right when you need it to, and you just want to kiss your iPod to show your immense appreciation.
4. When you see an asshat you knew in high school pop up on your recommended friends on Facebook and realize that, since being mean to you when you were teenagers, they have gone on to live hilariously mundane/bad lives.
5. That first kiss that you’d been waiting for so long you had almost convinced yourself it was never going to happen. (The kind of kiss which actually makes you go temporarily deaf and forget where you are and what is happening and how to use your legs.)
6. The ~30 minutes post-coffee drinking where you’ve got the perfect amount of energy and don’t feel that bad tummyache/gotta go to the bathroom feeling.
7. A perfectly-cooked steak with a little pat of herb butter and just a few cracks of fresh sea salt and black pepper to compliment its flavor.
8. When you’re exhausted and just want to crash and not deal with anyone and you’ve got a big, fluffy, comfortable bed with fresh sheets and blankets all to yourself.
9. Perfectly executing your favorite song at karaoke which gets the whole bar pumped up and singing with you and cheering you on.
10. This photoshoot of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Claudia Schiffer. (!!!!)
11. The moment when you tell someone how you’ve been feeling about them for a long time, and they respond exactly as you had hoped they would, admitting that they feel exactly the same.
12. When you realize you made it in time to catch happy hour without even trying, and your favorite drinks are on special.
13. When you make last-minute plans and everything just falls into place and everyone you invited ends up being able to go and has a great time.
14. Finding out that a new friend has the same taste in music in you and is happy to spend all day just hanging out, shooting the shit, and listening to all the stuff you love.
15. Going out to a club and actually having a wonderful time where nothing bad happens, no one throws up or cries, and you don’t lose your phone and/or wallet.
16. When you get back in touch, via social media or otherwise, with a friend you thought you had completely lost forever and realize that everything just fits perfectly back into place between the two of you.
17. Those amazing sugar cookies you get from the grocery store that are all super-soft and have that thick layer of sugary-ass frosting and you know they’re terrible for you but COME ON THEY’RE SO GOOD:
18. Going to an amusement park all day with friends and magically hitting all the rides at the right times and not having to wait in line.
19. When you are kissing someone and you both can’t stop giggling and smiling because of how much you love each other and how happy you are to be together.
20. The way you feel when you finish a really wonderful workout and your whole body is aching but you know that it’s a good ache and you are finally doing what you need to be doing to treat yourself right.
21. When you save up for a really long time to buy yourself something that you really want and you finally buy it, and are more happy and proud of yourself that you did it on your own than you are for having the item.
22. A really good baked macaroni and cheese where the cheese-to-pasta ratio is perfectly executed and the crust is the ideal golden-brown.
23. The sound of a champagne bottle popping to celebrate something that you are incredibly excited to celebrate.
24. When you hear that your good friend is settling down with someone that you know is wonderful for them and loves them so much, and you just want to give them the biggest friend hug you’ve ever given anyone.
25. When you get to hold a puppy so cute you just want to squeeze it until it dies.
26. The Prince of Egypt, aka the most underrated kid’s film of all time.
27. Beyoncé’s performance of “At Last” at the 2008 Inaugural Ball:
28. When some snide hater is like “OMG you think Five Guys burgers when you’re drunk are really better than sex?? Wow you must have a terrible sex life lololol,” and a pair of sunglasses materialize on your face and you’re just like “Deal with it.”
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It’s the end of the year so you know what that means: it’s time for end-of-the-year album “Best Ofs”!
Your love. Your passion. Your taste. That’s the reason you’re here. You still belong, even if you don’t feel like it right now. Your taste can be killer even if your ability is questionable.
There are a multitude of misconceptions about the service industry and I feel it is my duty to set a few of them straight.
Every time you try to take a “going out” selfie, one of you looks completely busted and you have to redo it again.