26 Questions For The Person Who Dumped You
1. How depressed were you when we broke up? (You told me that it was extremely sad for you, too, but I am pretty sure that you were more relieved than anything.)
2. What is your favorite memory of ours, and have you recreated it with someone else?
3. Do you stalk my Facebook from time to time? (And, if we have deleted one another, do you ever visit my profile from someone else’s account? Not that I do….)
4. Did you mean it when you said that you were going to love me forever, or did you know that you were eventually going to break things off?
5. Did you ever cheat on me?
6. Did you ever think about cheating on me?
7. Why is it that, when we broke up, everyone basically felt like they had to pick a side, and so many of them ended up picking yours? (I know that the answer to this is almost inextricably linked to the fact that I am a girl and therefore easily labeled “crazy” post-breakup, but still.)
8. Did you ever call me “crazy” after we broke up, or even while we were dating?
9. The people you’ve dated after me, do you love them as much as you did me? If you do, what about them do you love more?
10. What is the biggest lie you ever told me?
11. What is the thing that you like least about me, even if it’s something you used to say that you loved when we were together?
12. Regardless of all the ways you can sugar-coat it to someone, what were the real things about me that made you want to leave?
13. At what point did you realize you didn’t love me the way you used to, and how long after that fact did you wait to actually break things off?
14. Why aren’t you getting less attractive at the rate I think you should be? Don’t you know that it’s difficult for me to see you continuing to improve physically after knowing that you deemed me unworthy?
15. Did you ever tell your friends about [insert embarrassing thing you do here]?
16. Did your friends ever actually like me, or did they just pretend to so as to not be rude when you brought me around?
17. Does your family still like me or do they resent me now to some degree?
18. Do you regret the time we spent together, or is there something about our relationship you still find redeemable?
19. Did you ever make fun of me?
20. Do you think less of me for having cried in front of you?
21. What is the thing about me that you would change if you could — and do you think that I have changed this since we separated?
22. Do you think that I am a better person now, or do you just say things like that because it is what we are supposed to say to people we used to love?
23. Are you honestly happy for me in my new relationships and endeavors?
24. What do you want to find in the person you eventually do settle down with, and have you found it yet?
25. What would you say to someone who is just starting to date me now? Would you dissuade them from pursuing a relationship with me?
26. What feeling do you experience when you are suddenly reminded of us — nostalgia or regret?
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It started with a right swipe, a little green heart. Tinder of course.
Though I acknowledge and appreciate the differences in human experiences, and while your heartbreak is (and always will be) uniquely and completely your own, I must urge you to consider that I have been where you are.
With his hat cocked back, body tilted away from his cane, and right forefinger pointing directly at his audience, Joseph Ducreux commands the attention of those viewing his self-portrait.
I was born in 1990; he was born in 1973. I’m 23; he just turned 40.