July 20, 2012

21 Worst Things About Not Living With Your Parents Anymore

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What is the issue?

1. Having to do dishes every night, for everything you eat, entirely by yourself — unless you want your kitchen to just devolve into a wobbly pile of smelly plates that you can’t bear to look at.

2. Going to the grocery store and realizing that, holy sh-t, just buying enough supplies to make a small meal each night from scratch is, like, millions of dollars.

3. Not having someone call “Dinner!” upstairs to you, only for you to run down and be met with a plate full of hot, free food.

4. No allowance to take to the candy store and get gummi bears with. :(

5. Being the only person around if the dog poops/pees on the floor, and therefor forced to clean it up and give your dog the requisite look/newspaper swat of shame.

6. Not being able to afford pets, period.

7. Having to pay for water and electricity, and therefore being aware of how long you’re in the shower, how many lights you have on, and how much time you think you can run the AC before you won’t have any money left for food.

8. No big-ass TV with unlimited cable.

9. When you get boo boos, you have to find your own band-aids and they likely don’t have Fred Flinstone/Hello Kitty on them. Also no one to kiss your scraped knee and give you a lollipop.

10. Realizing that laundry never, ever ends, it simply gets dirtier, and in bigger piles. It is truly the gift that keeps on giving, and if you don’t separate your whites, you’re going to end up with a bunch of blotchy pink sheets.

11. Not being able to walk downstairs and find cabinets magically filled with food, including some of your favorite snacks.

12. No one to show your crappy art projects to (and certainly no one who is obliged by blood to pretend that they’re awesome).

13. Having to tuck yourself in at night when it gets all chilly, and not being able to do that thing where the blanket gets tucked in all around you and you get all toasty like a little burrito.

14. No one to transport you to all your various daily activities, and sometimes stop by 7/11 on the way back to the house to get Slurpees.

15. Not having anyone to play Monopoly with on rainy Sundays (unless your roommates like it, but come on, playing Monopoly is a family activity — it’s pretty much in the Constitution).

16. No one to tell you to get off the internet and go outside after you’ve been on it for 48 hours straight — left to our own devices, we will pretty much melt into our chairs while we stare at YouTube videos of cats falling off of things.

17. Having to self-regulate when it comes to how much dessert you have after dinner.

18. Waking up and realizing that, if you want pancakes and sausage, you actually have to make it yourself, which is essentially the labor equivalent of building a new football stadium.

19. No longer being able to host proper sleepovers, as who in this world besides parents have a closet full of sleeping bags and flashlights?

20. Not knowing how to build a tent/tree fort, but wanting so desperately to have them (primarily to drink in).

21. Realizing that your parents are awesome people who did so much for you, and that you need to be visiting them way more than you are. TC mark

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