5 Ways To Celebrate Friday
1. Failing to give even the slightest f-ck at work.
Man, it’s Friday. Tomorrow is Saturday, AKA the only day of the week fully sandwiched by pure happiness — there is no reason to be productive today. You’ve got a solid two days in front of you to just chill out and catch up if you absolutely have to, not to mention all of the festivities you’ll be partaking in tonight. Cruise Facebook, Google yourself, spend two hours on Wikipedia learning about the reproductive process of snails and the Crimean War. Now is the time to just chill, and pray that no one comes up behind you to say something. And if they do, you turn around and tell that sneaky asshole to mind his own business, because you are gonna spend the rest of the afternoon contemplating your embarrassing love for One Direction and filling up virtual shopping carts you’re totally not going to cash out on, and you are not gonna be judged for it.
2. Cooking a recipe more complicated than “dump pasta in water, heat.”
We’re essentially bombarded, by Pinterest and The Food Network, notably, with endless ideas for food that we stare at for five minutes before promptly erasing it from our collective memory. “I’ll never make that,” we think, “That has more than three ingredients.” But Friday is the day in which you can stay up as late as you want, trying all different combinations of sauces and meats that make you temporarily feel like some kind of bloated, power-crazed royalty. You can feel free to nurture a healthy food baby and even share in the cooking process with other people, so long as they don’t set your kitchen on fire. (Keep the drunker ones on table-setting duty or something.) The thing about making a good dinner from scratch is that, aside from it being delicious and a fun change of pace, you also feel almost Bear Grylls-esque at the end of it, as though you could make do with anything, if provided the proper spatula.
3. Having a delicious, overpriced drink.
It’s Friday, it’s time to start the weekend at the crack of five with one of those novelty cocktails that come in fishbowl-sized wine glasses that middle-aged women like giggling about while on cruises. Been dying to try that new craft beer? Throw caution to the wind and unwind with a few of them. There are few things more fulfilling than a slight buzz and an entire weekend in front of you with a few friends. Sit, sunglasses applied firmly to the face, on a terrace at happy hour, looking smug and vaguely hostile towards the people who are staring at you for thoroughly enjoying the end of your work week. Fridays are your days, and if we were meant to spend our whole lives caring whether or not people thought we were partying too much, we would have stayed in our parents’ houses.
4. Going somewhere outside your immediate 10-mile radius.
You know those people you keep meaning to visit that you never do because, for some inexplicable reason, one city away seems like a year-long trek through the desert on the weakest camel of the group. Now is the time to suck it up and make the short trip that you’re always putting off, because somewhere in the back of your mind you know that when you do actually make the effort and go visit people, it always ends up being a fun memory and, beyond that, something new and fresh. We easily forget about people when they move out of our immediate field of vision, which is ridiculous, considering how often we complain about doing the same things and seeing the same people every single weekend. Mix it up, go out of your comfort zone, and have a sweet weekend.
5. Getting a number.
I’m not sure I know what Saturdays and Sundays are for, but Friday nights are for going out and prowling like you’re trying to wipe out some kind of endangered species. And how many times do we see the beautiful Friday-evening guys still in their suits, or the girls laughing coquettishly in impenetrable, iron-clad groups of four or five, and deeply regret not pursuing that conversation with the one who was totally making eyes at us? Much better to put yourself out there and get turned down — who cares? Do a shot or something with your friends and laugh it off — than to go home and berate yourself for being such a timid loser. Fridays are the night for making poorly-informed, but often incredibly fruitful decisions. Tonight is the night to go home with a number — but don’t you dare do it quoting that song. You know the one I’m talking about.
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Describe for us the threesome with your OKCupid hookup.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.
I’m about to finish up my sophomore fall of college, and friends from home are getting married and having babies and sufficiently freaking me out.
He was a perfect date. I later got drunk and hacked his phone (who uses their birth year for a password? It was 1986, by the way #teamcougar). What I found was a text to a Kristina explaining his aforementioned sex dream he’d had about her while sleeping next to me in a luxurious hotel bed.