I hate to start this off with disappointment, but it is important to note that you will never be one hundred percent sure. There will be times when you are nagged by that recurring voice, asking yourself over and over if she really enjoyed it as much as you did, telling yourself that she didn’t. It is just unavoidable. But there are certain signs — and important behaviors on your part — that will guarantee a better batting average, and less-frequent bouts of uncertainty.
First of all, you must ask yourself what an orgasm for her is. Do you know that there are at least two kinds, and that they can often combine? Do you know that it is rare for a woman to orgasm through intercourse alone, but that so many young girls have been encouraged (through porn and the misguided advice of friends) to present a loud, convincing orgasm wrapped up in a silky bow at the end of a few minutes of good thrusting? Do you know that, in most cases, a woman faking an orgasm is seen as living up to what she is expected to do (and what she may resent herself for not being able to achieve)? Once you are more versed in what a female orgasm is — and how society insists on viewing it — chances are better that you’ll be able to create them.
It is imperative during sex (but especially for a woman who wants to let herself go into as many orgasms as possible) that all parties feel comfortable and desired. No one wants to feel as though there are expectations or hopes that are not being met, and there is no reason to leave someone constantly afraid of letting their bodies do their natural thing because they don’t want to risk a brief moment of unsexiness. Orgasms can involve strange faces, more fluid than one is used to, or odd noises. If a woman feels comfortable making all three, it is much more likely that she is really coming.
Because an orgasm is rarely cute and contained. There are the wilting Victorian climaxes, and they can be lovely, but many more are loud, proud, and kind of awkward-looking. When a woman’s stomach is fluttering, her thighs are clenching, her face is completely contorted, and she sounds like a Pentacostal church-goer speaking in tongues, she is not worried about looking like the reserved-for-the-male-gaze-sex-object that we have come to know from porn. She is actually enjoying herself, despite what it may look like to an outside viewer.
And in order to achieve these real, wonderful orgasms, we cannot be afraid of anything. We should never turn our noses up on something that feels good. Lubricants, toys, vibrators, multiple kinds of simultaneous stimulation — these are all our friends. And the more afraid we are of making sex break outside of its perfectly-acceptable missionary box, the less the chance that a woman will really enjoy herself. Her path to orgasm is not a straight line, and all pathways are just as good. We should be constantly breaking new ground in what makes her feel good, and what can get her so out of herself that she no longer cares one iota about what her sexuality makes her do in bed.
Ultimately, the best way to encourage real orgasms is to stop pressuring a woman to have them. An orgasm is not something that you give to someone else as a thank you for a job well done, it is something that manifests deeply in all of our bodies and blossoms outwards within us, reaching up towards our skin. It is something that our partner can draw pleasure from, but it is nothing we owe someone. And the way to guarantee that many of a woman’s endings will be faked is to make her feel as though, if she doesn’t give them up, she has somehow failed you and her expectations as a woman. Orgasms should be a noble goal, but one that does not nullify the journey if not attained. Because, at the end of the day, we should all just be happy having some good sex. An orgasm is simply the icing on the cake.