1. Threw a shoe at a seagull.

Was on a picnic, he caught a fly with his hand. I must have looked impressed, so he followed it by throwing a shoe and hitting a nearby seagull.

Weirdest fucking way to try to woo a girl.

2. Tried to make him jealous.

Pretended to date another guy just to see if I would get jealous…

Then got angry when I wasn’t.

3. A misogynist.

He started talking shit about nearby women for no reason at all. Like “Ugh, look at that fat bitch, gross”, and “Does she think that looks good? I wouldn’t touch her”. And I mean almost all the nearby women. He had something to say about their weight, clothes, and faces. Instantly disinterested.

4. Got the ethnicity wrong.

Girl told me she only finds black guys and Asians attractive. A lot of people mistake me for being Asian. I’m Mexican.

5. Acted like a full-fledged psycho.

He knocked out his teeth, said he’s the antichrist and asked me to join his harem. I wish I were making that up.

6. An untimely burp.

We were making out and he burped INTO my mouth.

7. Bragged about not being a good father.

Was an Internet date, and he asked me to meet for lunch. I thought no problem, public place, day light, no danger in public. Background story about this guy: he was an Iraqi refugee, divorced with two children, working on getting his engineering degree validated in the Netherlands.

During the lunch he went on to explain to me the various ways he used to hide his money so he could claim public assistance. Then full pride telling me how he refused to give his ex-wife any money for their children. His explanation: he takes the kids and buys them the clothes they need or the school supplies they need. And then he tells me how tired he is of the club scene and how ‘easy’ Dutch girls are, that they are just pigs who would hump on anybody and not suitable for a relationship. I was listening in shocked horror.

8. Lied to get out of the bill.

We were at dinner one night. The conversation wasn’t flowing particularly smoothly. The bill came and I reached for it. He thanked me and said he’d get it next time, that he had left his wallet at home.

When we hugged his wallet fell out of his coat. I saw at least a 50-dollar bill in there. He turned beat red, quickly got into his car and sped off.

This really happened.

9. Animal cruelty.

Not really a crush, but a few weeks ago, I was at the dog park and a guy came up to flirt with me. I was mildly interested until he started telling this bizarre story about how he used to have a rabbit but got tired of it and threw it out into the backyard for his Rottweiler.

Then he kept looking at me expectantly, as if I were supposed to join in with my own story of murdering a house pet. I just stood there blinking stupidly until he said, “So, you wanna ditch your dog and go see a movie with me?”

Nah, I’m good.

10. Turned out to be a teen mom.

Introduced me to her son. She and I were both 14 and her son was about a year old at the time.

11. Made out with co-worker on his car.

I was talking to this girl and we had hung out a few times, kissed a few times, so I was about to ask her out after work. I parked my car behind hers in the lot and I told her after work we should stay and chat.

End of work comes along and I see her at our cars as I’m walking out, but there is another guy standing with her… Hugging her. Next thing I know, he is sucking her face and laying her down on the hood of MY CAR!!!

Ben you motherfucker. Oh well, I’m in a better relationship now. 1 year next month!

12. Flakiness.

Being a flake. I was going to meet up with a girl at a bar one night. Drove all the way across the city (Los Angeles, so it’s not a quick drive). When I got there and didn’t see her I called her. No answer. I texted her. No answer. I hung around for a little while until she finally texted me back telling me that she left. I did not try to see her again. Well, I did and she flaked some more and then I finally stopped. I was not a confident man.

13. Guy admits to sleeping with too many girls.

I was about 19 at the time and super into this guy. So we started getting serious and I bought a really cure little skimpy outfit for sexy times. He walks into the room, sees me in my sexy outfit, and says “Yeah, I’ve just fucked way too many girls to find that sort of thing attractive anymore.”

Ladyboner=killed Crush over.

14. Weirded out by a girl who is smarter than him.

My freshman year of college, I had a huge crush on a guy in my intro programming class.

We sat beside each other, and while I could complete the exercises easily, he was visibly struggling. So I offered to tutor him after hours.

He got upset that a girl was better at “computer stuff” than him and dropped the class.

15. Rude to the wait staff.

It wasn’t our 1st date, but our 1st date at a restaurant, and he was intolerably rude to the waiter. The waiter never even did anything wrong, he was just treating the poor guy like a worthless slave. Left date at restaurant and never called him again.

16. Turned out to be a man child.

Got asked out by a cute guy wearing a leather motorcycle jacket, probably mid 20’s, while I was waitressing. He was taking his Dad out to lunch at the time – I thought, oh how nice, tough and sensitive! He picked me up for coffee, showed up with a Hannah Montana T-shirt, spent the first 20 minutes talking about how he was home-schooled and loved that he still lived with his parents, and how hanging out with his Mom was better than going to college. Damn did I read that vibe wrong.

17. A mole.

He got his hair cut kind of short and I discovered a HUGE, fleshy, hairy, pink MOLE. It was so so so gross.

I was like 16 and I avoided him until his hair grew back.

We’re married now.

18. Admitting she’s a gold-digger.

She said the words, “I just want to find a nice man so I don’t have to work anymore.” I abandoned ship so fast!!

19. Disrespectful to his grandmother.

Dated this guy for a while and finally got to the “meet his family” stage. I was pretty excited. Soon as we went to his grandmothers he immediately acted rude and disrespectful to her and plopped down on the couch to drink beer with his equally disrespectful grandfather. Needless to say I left. That poor lady.

20. He said he didn’t like big boobs.

He said he didn’t like girls with big boobs. I have big boobs. I figured that was a sign he wasn’t interested.

21. Kicked a cat.

Kicked my cat and said, “I hate cats.” Well, get the fuck out of my house then.

22. Tried to get her to take midterm for him.

Asked me to tutor him in calculus, then at the tutoring time tried to fire up his online midterm to have me take the test for him instead of actually learning the material.

Fuck
That
Shit

23. Playing too many games.

Played hard-to-get and acted like I wasn’t good enough for her, then when I gave up she started flirting with me, even going as far as to send me nude photos of her. Anyone acting that desperate after telling me I wasn’t good enough is a big no in my book.

24. Drugs on the first date.

Showed up rolling on molly to our first official date. It was a Tuesday.

25. Bad texter.

Got approached at college by a very attractive guy who wanted my number – not exactly a crush but he was super hot. He started texting me later and spelled mmmmaybe one word correctly per text. No, no thanks. I can’t help reading things out in my head, and wen u talkin lik dis I just can’t take you seriously. It sounds like baby talk in my head.

I just replied to all of his texts civilly and he got tired of me not flirting and gave up.

26. Called him ugly.

So back in middle school, I had a crush on this girl named Sarah. We talked a few times nothing serious happened. Then one day, at recess, she went up to me and said, “hey, can I tell you something?” So I said yeah, half expecting a compliment. She then replied, “You are ugly”. Lets just say I didn’t like her anymore.

27. Hit on all of his friends.

Invited her home from my university. I was having a little party with some of my high school friends and introduced her to all of them. Everything went to shit when alcohol was consumed. She began to hit on every one of my guy friends. She even tried to make out with several of them. All of my friends knew I had a crush on her, so she was getting nothing back. She then turns to me and says, “I know you have a crush on me, but I think it would be better if we just stayed friends for now.” Fucking ouch. She then follows that with, “You wanna make out?” Even in my drunken state I knew that was a bitch move. Let’s just destroy your self-confidence and then give you a glimmer of hope that’ll never amount to anything.

Fuck that.

28. Proselytizing.

Tried to use my interest in her as a way to convert me to her Pentecostal sect.

29. Laughing at abuse.

He laughed when a friend told him that a mutual friend of ours was in an abusive relationship. She came to work with a black eye… that made him laugh…

As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, it wasn’t very amusing.

30. Too stupid.

She was going to a party and I said, “you seem pretty unenthusiastic about going.” She replied with “don’t use big words.”

31. A really disturbing fantasy.

She told me about her fantasy of wanting to kill her dad by cutting off his balls and watching him bleed to death.

32. His profile on a dating site.

I met a guy once (for clarification, I’m gay) and we got along really well. We had the same interests, got along swimmingly, he was super hot, and I really thought that it was within the realm of possibility that it could actually go somewhere.

Now, in the gay community it’s pretty much standard that people are on dating sites/apps. I went on one after having come home from hanging out with him and found a profile of his that had been created the day before (we’d already hung out several times at this point) that said something along the lines of “Looking to get gang fucked by some big dicks tonight. Use me, pound my ass until I scream. Need a few dicks in my ass”.

Needless to say after seeing that I immediately lost all interest.

33. An extremely immature palette.

I love cooking!

I dated this girl who was my true first girlfriend and I liked her even though she had the worst taste for food. She liked absolutely nothing. Most meals we ate were repetitive and became boring. She pretty much only ate pizza and drank coke. She didn’t even like the delicious lasagna I cooked. Every time I presented her something homemade she spat it out. When I talked about food she pretended to gag. Such a turn-off. Was really disrespectful too. I couldn’t put up with that crap.

34. Racism.

We were discussing politics “that n****r wasn’t even born in America”.

And with that, I bid you a fair adieu.

35. An antisemitic father.

“…and this is the room where my father puts all of his Nazi stuff.”

36. Slept with his roommate.

Fucked my roommate. While I was asleep in the room. The night before a midterm exam.

Bastards woke me up and didn’t even have the courtesy to let me watch.

37. Acting dumb.

Pretending to be stupid to be “cute.”

38. Sleeping with a friend’s father.

I had my first crush in high school. Late bloomer, I know.

She started sleeping with her best friend’s father. Turned me right off.

39. A horrible tattoo.

Showed me his new tattoo of the Hollister logo. On his chest.

40. Being gratuitously violent.

I stood by the window watching a couple of doves, and said out loud how much I enjoy the chattering sounds they make. He responds by coming up behind me and saying, “I wish I had a gun so I could shoot them!”