West Village Chef Farts On All 37 Of His Employees, Posts Anonymously About It On Craigslist
In a startling confession, a self-proclaimed well-known chef from a “somewhat famous restaurant in the meatpacking district” revealed, in an anonymous Craigslist posting, that he has succeeded in farting on all 37 of his employees, triumphantly ending months of dedicated effort. This somewhat famous chef, who claims to have had “several” specials on Food Network, put a lot of thought into his fart mission. The employees had to be farted on in alphabetical order — no skipping names and coming back. And the employees had to be aware that they had been farted on, whether via smell or sound.
The chef has a lot to say about his farts. After outlining his mission and indicating his success, the chef expounds on the nature of farts, suggesting they be color-coded by type: green for lingering farts, red for spicy farts, and yellow for farts that are near-accidents, farts that almost become something else altogether, the shart.
Apparently there is more to come. The merry farter intends to tell the story of all 37 attacks in subsequent Craigslist postings.
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10. I may have all the rights I need, but many others don’t.
Dear Liam, I know who you are. I know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money, but what I do have is a very particular set of skills.
18. It helps if your cat can grow a mustache.
Meet him young, at a time when you’re not old enough to realize how precious he is.