The Advice You Want Vs. The Advice You Need

I am supposed to tell you it’s not your fault.

I’m supposed to tell you radical feminists, or the government, or your ex girlfriend, or your parents are the reason you haven’t gotten what you wanted. I’m supposed to tell you you’re the victim of a huge scam. Of a conspiracy. Of evolution and your genes. And you’re supposed to love me for letting you off the hook. And then you’re supposed to buy whatever I’m selling.

But fuck that. Because it’s not honest. Of course it is your fault. There is only one person whose fault it could be. I know about the stories you tell yourself. I tell them, too. I’m a human and I’m guilty. It was my mom, my dad, my circumstances, the unfair world, bad luck.

I won’t tell you that because it won’t help. Sure, shit happens that you didn’t ask for. You may have been lied to, cheated, manipulated, tricked. You may have been gifted the world on a platter and still have no clue what to do with yourself. Either way, how YOU respond to that is on you. Your life is your fault. Good, bad, or in between, it’s your fault. Anybody who tells you otherwise is not your friend.

Wherever you are, it’s your fault. And wherever you’re going, that’s your fault too. Does this mean you don’t slip? Screw up? Get off track? Of course you will. And it’s your fault if you decide that’s the end of the line. Your fault if you decide being derailed is your destiny. And it’s your fault if you take every bad break and every sob story and turn it into fire to pursue the life you want. The fire to become the human you want to be. But guess what!? Living the life you want isn’t easy! It can’t be done in 5 easy steps. It can’t be bought for 3 easy payments of $97.

Living your dream is hard. If it wasn’t we’d all be millionaires and movie gods and rockstars. TV is easy. Excuses are easy. Self-deception is easy. Getting everything you want and experiencing genuine fulfillment? Not easy. But it is simple.

You don’t complicate things. You just decide. And then you run through walls leap hurdles and ignore the haters. You are getting where you want to go, no matter what. I know I sound like an ass. This bites to hear. But I write this and I want you to read this slack jawed so you will do something about it.

Your life is your fault. Now what? If you’ve got your answer, good. Stop here. Go live it. Seriously, don’t read on. If you’ve been inspired to action, go act. If you still feel like you don’t know what to do, I won’t leave you hanging. I’d feel like a jerk for pointing out a problem and offering no solution. So here’s my two cents:

Stop buying quick fix, 6-minute abs bullshit. Stop consuming anything that promises it will be easy. Stop clicking Buzzfeed links in your newsfeed. Those are all distractions that keep you complacent.

Instead, read these books.

Banish helplessness. If you hate your job, quit. If you don’t like your city, move. If you are less than thrilled with any aspect of your life, change it. No excuses. The only things separating your from your ideal life are the fear that has kept you from making different decisions and persistent, hard work It’s all in your control.

If you don’t know what to do differently, get teachers you respect. See those books I recommended above for my picks. If you like where I’m coming from and want to work with me, apply for coaching.

If you take one thing from this rant, let it be this: it’s all on you.

Living the life of your dreams requires work. The biggest obstacles you’ll have to overcome are not out there in the world. They are inside your head. They’re your dragons. You can’t pay anyone to slay them for you. So pick up your sword and start hacking.