Thought Catalog
June 19, 2017

The Ugly Truth About Why We Stay In Almost Relationships For So Long

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What is the issue?
Genessa Panainte

They say to find someone who you have fun with, who makes you laugh but also tests your patience. Someone who chooses to look past the small insecurities you have in yourself and see the person you really are.

When that happens, and you think you’ve found that person, what if it’s not as easy as that?

Perhaps there are roadblocks, lingering past relationships and feelings, keeping it all from really happening. And at that point, one or the other or even both are setting themselves up to be hurt.

And I don’t mean intentionally hurt, but more like the “I really like you but it’s not a good time” or “I have so much fun with you but I am not looking for a label” hurt. The hurt that you hold onto. The almost.

The hurt that you hope is going to change tomorrow, or maybe a week or even a month from now. Its typically one-sided, not on purpose, just in general.

One person is more ready than the other or has had more time to heal from their past and go through the process before THAT person comes along.

At what point do you give up? At what point do you decide that as perfect as it all feels, the timing it off? You’re not on the same page or at the same place in your life, but FUCK why does it feel like it’s supposed to work? Why do all of your feelings go against what your brain is telling you?

Your brain is saying walk away, you’re better than a maybe. But your heart, oh your heart is pulling you in the opposite direction because the feeling you have with this person is not like any other.

Your friends, your family, and yourself is telling you not to settle. But are you settling? Maybe.

But you also know this person is feeling the same way, but perhaps just not ready for the commitment. So you hold on, and you keep going as you’re going, hoping that they’ll wake up one morning and decide you’re the one.

But do we want that? Should we have to wait for someone to decide you’re worthy of their everlasting love and attention?

From an onlookers perspective, fuck no. Don’t wait, don’t be an option and don’t push someone to want something that they don’t.

But from my perspective, the perspective of feeling these feelings and experiencing these experiences, I just can’t seem to let go. I find myself lingering on the thought that this could be it.

If I let it go, will it ever come back? Maybe, maybe not. And that’s the scary part.

As perfect as this feels, as easy as it is, a decision has to be made. Wait it out… a week, a month, a year even, and if nothing changes what was the point?

If you don’t pull yourself away, or stand your ground with what you want, it very well could turn into a convenience for the other person. Easy, no commitment, fun to be had, and the sex is probably pretty good too.

Modern dating sucks. Not for everyone, and of course not all cases are the same but these “almost relationships” seem to be just as real and emotional as any relationship I’ve ever had.

In most cases the person opposite you in these ‘almost relationships’ was honest from the start, telling you they weren’t ready, that the timing was off and they weren’t looking for anything serious.

But it was so fun, and spontaneous and you had that hope you could change their mind, because who doesn’t like a good challenge?

However, if someone tells you something, listen. If they say they’re not ready, listen. If they say it’s moving too quick, listen.

If you choose to ignore their words, no matter their actions, you’re choosing to set yourself up for failure.

No one likes a broken heart, especially when it’s broken by someone who didn’t fully care for it in the first place. TC mark