Why It’s So Hard To Love Desperate People

There’s this fun experiment. Put 100 men and 100 women in a room, give them pieces of paper with numbers 1-10 written on them, and ask them to put it on their foreheads. That way, other people can see the number assigned to them, but you can’t see yours, and they’re not allowed to tell you what it is.

The objective is to pair up with the highest number you can. Problem is, you’re running blind, not knowing your own number. Now how do you know your standing in that specific social order?

Well, the effect is that when other people see a 9 or a 10, they flock to that person, such that he or she is surrounded by more people than, say, a lower number. You can basically gauge how high a number you have by the number of people approaching you.

Now let’s pretend this number is your attractiveness, and it works the same way.

The more people come to you, the more attractive you think you are. The more people come to you, the more other people will also come to you. The more desperate people act to get you, and the more creative they become to catch your attention, the more attractive you think you are. And in real life, the more attractive you think you are, the more confidence it gives you, thus increasing your attractiveness, and therefore continuing the cycle.

Let’s get back to the game. The fact is, if someone is desperate to be with you, then chances are you think you have a higher number than he or she does, and that will prompt you to look for a better number than him or her. It may be true, or it may not be, but it’s also how it works in real life. People who have more admirers have more choices, and are more likely to pick the ones who do not act as needy, simply because they perceive them as having lower worth.

What is the lesson of the game, as applied to love? Never act needy, nor consider yourself desperate. Never pursue more than your self-worth. Don’t make special efforts to be loved, because doing so will actually lessen how other people value you. Make yourself easy to get, and you’ll also be easy to forget.  

Be confident, and don’t think about love. In the game, even if you get a 1, stand back and watch the others flock to the 9s and the 10s. They will soon tire of the attention, and might just fling their eyes to where you quietly stand, derisively looking at this game, with numbers that society has imposed on everyone. Catch his eye, and smile a little, you with your 1, smile with the knowledge of this little secret that I have just told you.

A little mystery can go a long way.