Self-Loathing 20-Something: Dreams?… Hey, Dreams, where you at?
Dreams: Heller, whatchu need suga’?
SL2S: Um, not much – why are you talking like a Tyler Perry character?
Dreams: Just a new thing I’m trying out – anyway, how’s it going?
SL2S: Not good. Not good at all.
Dreams: Oh I’m sure you’re exaggerating, it can’t possibly be too bad.
SL2S: Well, I found Fruit Loops in my sweatpants pocket today, so… that kind of sums up life right now.
Dreams: Damn. Loose cereal in the soft pant’s pocket is never a good sign.
SL2S: So yeah, again I ask, where are you?
Dreams: I’m here. Still here – haven’t moved since you first decided that you wanted to meet up.
SL2S: Where exactly is here? I’ve been chasing you for a hot minute, and at this point it’d be easier if you could just give me directions so I can meet you ASAP.
Dreams: (chuckles condescendingly)
SL2S: (slightly irritated) Why are you…? I’m not sure what’s funny about that.
Dreams: Dude. You already know I can’t just tell you what to do to reach me. You’ve got to actively pursue me.
SL2S: Seriously? I’ve been pursuing you relentlessly for like, a while now.
Dreams: You might want to rephrase that sentence or at least use a word other than relentlessly.
SL2S: What are you trying to imply?
Dreams: Half-assedly might be a more fitting description.
SL2S: That’s BS, I’ve been busting my ass and it hasn’t paid off because you’ve been playing hide-and-seek with me for the past two years.
Dreams: Me? Oh, so this is MY fault? This has nothing to do with the combined 24 hours a week you spend watching Netflix, YouTube, XXXtub –
SL2S: Alright, alright!
Dreams: Just making my point. That’s a days worth of your week wasted watching B movies, and videos of people doing stupid stuff with gallons of milk. Seriously, does the word ‘prank’ even mean “practical joke” anymore, or is its new definition ‘do dumb, messy sh-t that minimum-wage workers will have to clean up’?
SL2S: I don’t even… Yes, you have a good point but we’re off topic. The matter at hand is you, your location, and how I can reach you as soon as possible.
Dreams: Like I said, you can start by rededicating yourself and using your time wisely.
SL2S: Can you at least tell me how far away you are right now? Am I looking at another few months or years? C’mon, give me somethin’ here.
Dreams: Uh… At the pace you’re moving? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if your pursuit doesn’t grow unyielding soon, we may never meet up.
Dreams: Did you really not hear me, or was that like a melodramatic response.
SL2S: YES, I HEARD YOU.
Dreams: Don’t get upset with me, I thought you kind of knew that already.
SL2S: How would I know?
Dreams: Ambition and I, we talk pretty often. Lately Ambition is under the impression that you have traded him in for your Macbook and all of the unproductive festivities you engage in on it. You know you haven’t made an effort or looked to Ambition when you need that extra push, so you and I not meeting up shouldn’t come as some unfathomable surprise.
SL2S: So is it impossible for us to meet now? Have I run out of time?
Dreams: Impossible? It’ll never be impossible for us to meet if you put in the work. But if you continue at your current pace you’ll be passed up by others and likely get discouraged until you eventually give up entirely.
SL2S: But naps are so awesome and being up to date on viral videos is kind of my niche.
Dreams: Oh yeah? How much does scouting viral videos pay?
SL2S: If you do it for Tosh.0 or Ridiculousness it’s probably decent.
Dreams: Okay, the point was back there and you definitely missed it.
SL2S: Just saying…
Dreams: Let me ask you something — what is your deepest fear?
SL2S: …That Netflix will get all ten seasons of Friends and I’ll never, ever want to leave the apartment again – not even for groceries. I’ll just order in and remain in a dimly lit room, under blankets, wondering what could’ve been if Joey and Rachel has just tried a little bit harder to make it work.
Dreams: RIGHT?! Rachel Tribbiani just has a perfect ring to it, I totally agr – wait. What? That’s your deepest fear?
SL2S: I mean, flying wasp-spider hybrids too but…
Dreams: Oh, Lawd.
SL2S: Again with the Tyler Perry.
Dreams: My bad, but that shouldn’t be your deepest fear. You should be afraid of wasting this life and not fulfilling your destiny. Can we meet? Absolutely. Will we meet? That depends. Not on me, it’s entirely up to you.
SL2S: Wow, you’re absolutely right… This talk feels good.
Dreams: You feeling motivated?
SL2S: Absolutely, I feel rejuvenated! I think I’m gonna write a Facebook status about it.
Dreams: Yeah? That’s cool; just don’t forget to put in work afterwards. Beat on your craft until you are the best you can possibly be at what you do.
SL2S: I will do that, Dreams – thank you!
Dreams: No problem, it was great talking and remember –
SL2S: WHO YOU ARE?!
SL2S: Remember who you are? Lion King? I thought you were about to quote Mufasa, no?
Dreams: I was just going to tell you to remember I’m always here, just waiting on you.
SL2S: Ha, that quote was alright I guess — kind of expected more but it’s hard to follow up Mufasa though, amIright?
Dreams: Oh HELL to the naw!
SL2S: K, got to go pursue you, Madea — bye.